Sleepy l8 night venting........

// TW for swearing 8y the way!!!!!!!! ::::) //

឵឵ ឵឵ ឵឵ ឵឵ ឵឵ ឵឵ ឵឵ ឵឵I really h8 not 8eing a8le to sleep at night. It's interfering so much with day-to-day things. I usually don't mind staying up until 5AM- and even enjoyed the silence and time to myself -8ut now It's depressing and emotionally exhausting to wake up so l8 with little sunshine to spare and a mess of things to do so l8 at night. I've just stopped 8othering with 8eing productive 8ecause of how inconvenient my sleeping patterns make it, which just feeds my anxiety. This isn't even mentioning how many less hours I get to spend with my friends and my girlfriend. I've explained to my doctor right in front of my dad that I've tried literally everything from simply taking melatonin to resorting to dum8 shit like lavender pillow mist to help me sleep and he heard the doctor say there wasn't much they could offer 8eside Melatonin which I've already tried. My dad's saying it's just me talking to my friends all the time and I need to stop staying up l8 with them 8ut I've only 8een on call with my girlfriend and she falls asleep WELL 8efore I do, I'm just left alone for 8 hours for the rest of the night until my 8ody decides it's tired enough to sleep. He doesn't seem to understand that I want to change my sleeping patterns and have more order in my life or that I'm even making an effort to do just that. He tells me to "just fix it" and gets mad at me when I say it's not that easy. I would 8e sleeping like a 8a8y right now instead of venting on Spacehey if I could "just fix it". He preaches to me like it's easy to go to 8ed and I'm just stupid or something like haha sweetie I'm trying stop 8eing up my ass a8out It I want to sleep so 8ad, trust me. I've tried. I wanna sleep as much as the next sleep deprived and emotionally exhausted mom friend, 8ut I guess I'm just quirky or some shit I'm not sure. I'm gonna go lay 8ack down and join my girlfriend who's currently sleeping on call with me, hopefully I'll 8e out like a light under some 8lankets n pillows 8y 5AM. Thank you for listening. ::::)