TW// vent, cann1bal1sm,dumb vent i need to get sum b1tch3zz

So!!! as the title states, i NEED to get sum B1TCH3Z at some point because, im questioning myself over things ilke "am i a cann1ba1???" and the reason for that i because like for example ill see like a post of my close friend and i will dm them saying something like "UR SO PRETTY I WANT TO E.AT UR CHEEKS/  NOSE!!!!". y'know?? just sum disgusting like that but i only say stuff like that to my close friends cuz they know its a joke lol. but theres this girl i been talkin to and i say the same stuff to her and she'll say the same for me and its just a fun lil joke between us, (i think). but i have wondered what human fl3sh taste like BUT i would NEVER go through with 3at1ing a p3rson, l1ving or d3ad. its just like one of those weird thoughts we all get. anyway i got COMPLETELY distracted but i do think that having a (irl) gf or just a close lady friend who will hold me and love me will fix SOME of these problems but who knows man maybe this just how i am :/ . but i also dont wanna give anyone at school some of my social because those are my safe spaces and i dont EVER want my ex to find my safe spaces i would HATE that, i get so scared when i see her or when im around her, BUT anyway in conclusion i NEED a gf and i need one soon because this is not the best stuff for me to be thinking about man .