gender crisis <3

im confused on whether im nonbinary or just a boy?? or just FEMALE??? but i dont like she/her, but pronouns dont = gender. but i dont feel like a boy. but i wanna look masculine, but i also dont feel like i feel masculine??? oigheevholdkfvj i dont like men either, im attracted to masculinity tho DDD: but i also feel weird when people use they/them?? probably bc of either internalized homophobia or memories from being made fun of.