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I've been having really vivid dreams of the past lately. Often it's of my own memories from about five years ago, all of the exact details, or at least that's how I perceive them seeing as it's a dream. If dreams could be broadcasted onto a screen and we could actually see what images were being depicted in our own dreams, I doubt they would be clear images but mere fragments. Dreams are like relived memories, they are built on fragments of our senses to create as complete a picture as the human mind can attempt to achieve.
The other kind of dreams I've been having are ones of the past, but that of an alternate past, wondering what would have happened if I hung out with other people. Perhaps all of this stuff is on my mind seeing as I'm so close to turning 21. Five years ago I was 16, and that feels very strange. I'll find this blog again someday and realise it as the landmark moment where I began to feel that I had aged. Whenever it was my birthday and someone asked me how it felt to be whatever age I was turning that day, I would always say something like
"It feels the same as being 17".
All of my memories are wrapped in segments of music, I feel a pit in my stomach that gets created any time I hear a certain song because of how interlinked it may be with a memory, and I feel a sense of loss at how far detached I am from the person I once was.
I hope the language in this blog is not too flowery, and I don't want this post to be one of a negative manner, because I don't see the passage of time as a negative. I'm much happier now than I was five years ago, but I tend to think a lot seeing as I spend a lot of time alone. I think and I think and I think. Particularly when I walk around my town, which is all I really do when I have free time.
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