Grief is not a linear process

This friend and I have been in touch for more than 26 years, and I'd only met his father once, but the impression his father left me with was one that I held in high honor and praise for his role in my friends life and my own with his kindness, warmth, and bringing laughter.

I did not know his father well, but that one conversation I had with him all those years ago stuck with me and sprung to fresh memory with those words read again and again on my DM with my friend. I immediately called him as soon as I was able to break free from my group.

He was a mess emotionally, we both sat in that call for a full fifteen minutes, sobbing. This pain is still wildly fresh to me, I remembered my mothers passing and the hurt that I went through from that, the responsibility of it all as the oldest child.

I remembered having to make that last decision when her brain waves were not registering on the machines and scans, her "giving up" trying to breath on her own, her "vacuum" of a presence when she did stop breathing all together, fighting the machines she was hooked to.

It hit me like someone had thrown an anvil in my face, the emotional weight of it all, the hurt, and the misery of not having a parent emotionally available to turn to anymore. I sat there and cried like a baby with him for the better part of a half hour.

All because I knew what he was facing all too well and wanted him to know that he was not alone in grieving and preparing for this loss with his family. This friend, he's been there with me through so very much, and there was no way I was going to turn down a voice call.

By the time we both had cried ourselves out, we got to talking, about everything and anything we can share and remember about his father. Good times, bad times, funny times, even the scary times, but at the end of the call, I did something that I don't do very often.

I opened up and told him that I loved him. It's something I don't say often enough to many in my life but I felt at the time it was something he truly needed to hear. His reply, choked with tears, was "I love you too Mel." I told him that if he needs me, I'm here.

I told him it didn't matter what time of day or night it was, call me if he needed someone to talk to, that we have too much history, too much time knowing each other to just let go and let things slip past. I told him that I knew this pain all too well and the weight of it.

I left myself emotionally available for him for years, but this was the first time I ever really openly told him how much I cared for him and I think, in a way, my mom would have been proud of me for it.

I don't know how many people this will reach, but I just wanted to tell you all something that I feel needs to be said. No matter where you are, how hard you have it, I love you. I value you. You are precious to me and precious to the people that love and care for you.