2/1/22

i started applying for summer jobs and summer precollege programs. today, i really figured out how much shit i've put myself into. i got to school at 7:45 am and left at 7:45 pm which feels like it should definitely be illegal. i feel like i've done a whole week in the span of two days, and at this point a social life is the last of my concerns. i don't have any friends irl, and i don't think i ever will at this rate. i don't understand the point of all this work i'm doing. i can't get a break. i just want it all to be done. i have a headache and i'm sleep deprived and i haven't eaten today and i want to be upset but i can't make myself feel anything. the only reason i feel comfortable posting this is that nobody will read it which is comforting. i have found a lot of comfort in dissociation. it's nice feeling like nothing matters even for just a few minutes or an hour. i wish it didn't. please, please let me out of this fucking hell. i want to die so bad.