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this year shes clinging to chinese new year traditions, yelling at me to stop my meds, stopping hers, for health and wealth she says, but i know its a greater fear. the past years have been so immensely stressful, with and without greater events going on. its her way of holding onto hope. i wish i had that, something tangible i just can't believe in it. has something broken in me? i cannot hold false hope anymore, it hurts too much when my spirits are dashed. making me promise to eat, take my meds, be a star moved six times last year so how can i not feel alone in a place where i can actually rest, build a home like i’m puttin up condemned signs i don't like the pressure and the deadlines wanna chase the high of making headlines i need to recover give me more time i need to recover give me more time give me more time"
- fraxiom , it breaks my brain 
every year that passes, my mother grasps onto new new years traditions
cynicism is tiring. i don't want to deal with this
"who the fuck do you think that you are
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