stopped feeling that sorry for myself

my best and pretty much only friend, thommmmass, is the sweetest fucking person in the world. when we live in the same city we hang out constantly, doing any and everything and he always makes sure im ok. we paint /create are for hour, lay on the beach, eat tons, hop on random busses, and walk around chinatown talking about evvvverything. so of course i know he has issues but i never know how bad he is because, like me, he needs time to fully process his emotions before he can mention it in passing without breaking down and let me tell ya... he has perfected it. if you arent giving the conversation your full attention you'll miss the dropped bombs.

he is almost 5,000 miles away so we dont chat as much these days so when we do i just have to give him all my brainpower. this morning we are just shooting the shit, hes telling me all abut work drama and i tell him a bit of my cousin and other family issues. as im going on and on about never being enough and being overlooked he says something along the lines of not having an actual personality because his childhood trauma causes him to hyperbolize the tiny bit of happiness he actually has to make his self more fun to be around and that he hates it so much but hes thirty years too late to change and should just end everything. we joke about being a crazy lesbian couple in a traveling freak show in a past life but in this life us as a couple just would never work haha. he is one of my favorite people in the world, my soulmate, so hearing that he really thinks he has no personality and cant ever "be himself" broke my fucking heart. imagine a five year old ball of sunshine telling you they hate their own brain and wants to die. suddenly all my problems are the size of atoms and you just cant breath.

the best way to get over your own problems is to listen to someone else. you'll be so fucking surprised and finally stop feeling so sorry for yourself.