nostalgia fucking hurts (30/1/22)

its coming up to 5 years since i first heard fall out boy, i think it was centuries. i was watching emo bands on crack videos like 12 year olds in 2016 used to do. anyway i started being a fan of them almost immediately and then it just grew and grew into the biggest obsession with anything ive had to this day. i'd listen to pretty much only fall out boy between june 2017 and december 2018. then i got kinda peer pressured out of it & started listening to 80s and 90s music. ever since september last year tho ive been like, dipping my toes back into listening to them but i knew i couldnt go all out cause id just get consumed by nostalgia. well i went all out and here i am writng this blogpost. ANYWAY backstory over. heres the deal:

i was watching this video just now, and my body physically hurts from nostalgia. partly because i miss those og days of loving fall out boy but also just the era where that video was filmed in. id sell one of my kidneys to attend a punk show of a band that hasnt blown up yet. to attend a gig so full of power and excitement, seeing one of your favorite bands, singing along to the music, the preformance not being objectively good but it not having to be. maybe that imperfection does make a small basement show like that so perfect. i think i feel this hurt because i feel like im actively missing out on my teenage years. i feel like life around me is just stagnant, i cant go out and do stuff because of covid, yet im getting older and older every single day. i see my sister in 8th grade now, 4 years ago for me. and i envy her so much for it, i wish i was still at the beginning of my teenage years, so happy with my life and the friends i had. and here i am, 18 in less than a year. im kinda terrified of becoming an adult. i thnk thats partly why im going back to my interests from when i was 13. looking back at stuff, like fall out boys song "i slept with someone in fall out boy and all i got was this stupid song written about me". i used to not understand the title, i thought they were saying "fall out boy" was a place and they were sleeping in it. but no, it does not mean that. i know what it means now lol. just things like that. i can revisit fall out boy songs and see them through a completely different lens. thats why i appreciate pete wentz so much. hes able to write things so poetically that even without getting the refrence i'll still enjoy the song. 

idk what else there is to say, its a bit embarassing to admit tbh but i fucking adore fall out boy. their music kind of sucks, but theyre so important to me in such a deeply rooted way that i'll forgive them for it. if im being honest theyre probably my favorite band of all time but thats embarassing to admit so i'll just keep saying its the cure