life i guess

hi, just figured i should give a life update, considering how i've inactive been the past week

FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS!!! the good stuff! everybody likes positivity haha

i got to go on a date w my gf! actually idk if it would be considered a date, we just sat around at her place, watched youtube and got pizza lol. we didn't really get to do a whole ton because her mom doesn't like having guests over after 6:30, but it was still really fun though :P

i'm in a band! kind of. i joined my school's rock band as the bassist. we haven't figured everything out yet, but it's gonna be really cool!

on the topic of music, i've been listening to A LOT of music recently. particularly emo. like real emo, not just the pop punk stuff people like to call emo. so far, my fav band ive listened to has been cap'n jazz. theyre really good, i really like them. if you're reading this, go listen to cap'n jazz after you finish reading.

that's kinda it, though. i guess my grades are getting better and school isn't as sucky as last year, but that's not saying much haha

okay, now it's everybody's least (or most idk) favorite part: all the bad things. strap in folks, things are gonna get a bit heavy.

first off, my drawing tablet broke :( and i was just starting to get into animation too. it sucks, but i can probably ask for a new one for christmas since that's just a couple months away lol

shifting gears, my sister is in the hospital again. don't worry, she is physically okay. for the sake of keeping private stuff private, i'm not gonna divulge any more info about it. and also because i really do not want to talk about the specifics of it. this is all happening just as my own mental health is starting to sort of decline even further, and i don't know if i can get help for my issues now, because all the focus is on my her getting treatment. i know it's selfish of me to be thinking about myself in these sorts of times and i know it's awful of me to be complaining when other people have it so much worse than me, but i would really like to make it through these times and come out of this alive and set a good role model, you know? she needs to see people around her age making it through, and i need to be the one to do it. it's been really hard though. this is all happening so fast, and i haven't been able to talk to many people about it because i know not everybody wants to hear or is even able to handle me talking about it and how badly everything's been effecting me. i want to pretend that i'm not effected by this at all and eventually just delude myself into being okay again, but i just can't. when you're faced with suddenly having to relive the worst days of your life, there is no way you can just act like you're totally alright. it's just not possible. i think the hardest part about all this is having to come to terms with the fact that i'm not perfect, and i have never been and will never be perfect. my mental and physical health sucks, i've had to live through things that i shouldn't have, and my genetics and the world i'm living in has screwed me over. and that's okay. i can survive it, and make it out a better person. things will be okay.

sorry for talking so much and venting and being sorta corny, i guess that's just kinda who i am haha

anyway, that's all i really wanted to talk about, have a good day and stay safe <3