all frozen lakes are water/it's so easy to wait impatiently/animal sister boy

i came out to my mom. really this time. i said the words "i am a woman" to her face. she is helping me find a doctor to get me hrt. this is what i wanted. this is what i needed. it wasnt hard. there was little resistance. from her. i am not happy. that is not surprising. to me. everything is so fucked all the time. it is all dreadful. full of dread. i am full of dread. for the future. my future. the future. i have to work. work. job. get money. move out. live. alone. with them. without them. without him. i cant leave him alone. i cant be here anymore. with them. i want to be with them. without them. with him. death looms over this world. so many. all of them. alone. me my mine i i i i. i want. i want the future. i want the past. i want things. i want nothing. i want silence. i want music. i want to forget who i am. i want to remember who i was. when. when the end comes. i want to be with you. i want to be. alone. with you. alone. apart. separate. you understand. you have to understand. you'll never understand. me. you cant. i cant. when the end comes. it wont matter anymore. our bodies. will flow. fluid style. it will be blood red. it will be sky blue. it will be pitch black. it will be blinding white. it will be morally grey. it will be undeniably beautiful. it is ugly. now. beautifully ugly. but ugly. i am a woman. i am a failure. i am full of potential. i am ugly. i am a horse. a workhorse. i am a sloth. like the sin. i am alive. i will die. with a long list of regrets. i am broken. i am humpty dumpty. all the kings horses. i am a possession. i am a person. i am broken. in the dark we all sound the same. i am a human. i am alive.


i am a woman.