For Nobody

It is all coming so fast—it begins to bend together. I am in the middle of my teaching practicum, I am filling out my JET application, and university is beginning to wrap up. Stress, stress, stress.

I haven't been able to focus because of it all, so I am in a perpetual state of feeling like my assignments are behind. It also makes me feel like I am not giving my all at practicum, but my co-op assures me otherwise.

Big life changes, my family finally having it settle in that I am leaving the country, and me still trying to manage my university organizations. I am all over the place. I am tired all the time and have spent any moment I get lying in bed to try and sleep—only to feel like I need to be doing something and not getting adequate sleep because of those feelings.

I knew this semester would be difficult. Not because of the schoolwork, but because my good friend graduated and left. That, I am most certainly feeling. It becomes a drag to get myself to my own club meetings because he is not there. I don't feel depressed, but I certainly feel depressed. Y'know what I mean?

There are good things happening though. Good people around me, good folks for me to turn to, and a good support system. I'm just so tired.

I really, truly feel that once I get to where I'm going... Once I walk into the front door all alone, once it shuts behind me, I will probably break down and have a moment. A lot of stress to get there, all over. I did it. It is all worth it.

Until that moment arrives—sooner than later now—everything mushes together with deadlines, driving, and a dead-eye stare. Time is waiting for nobody.

I did, although, learn the wonderful, beautiful, peaceful feeling of going out to eat by your lonesome. Sitting in a booth alone, or at a counter, and being able to reject the menu because you know what you want? Sitting with your thoughts and taking in the quiet music and sounds of life around you? It's pure bliss. You have to wait for nobody but yourself, and the limit you set for yourself. . . Unless it's somewhere that hates third places and wants you out after thirty-minutes.