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“ I don't know not so much
submitting as it is expanding
my energy and definition of
self to include you briefly, (!)
and the feeling if your hands
on my body is as natural as
touching my own self is” >
Not delivered
I’ve made a hobby of being broken and bent. It’s not that I don’t enjoy those things, I do. I think that’s still true, really. It is true. I like the feeling.
My enjoyment of something might not be the most compelling metric on if I should be participating in given thing.
There’s a pull to objectification. A sense of rightness, comfort. Hmm.
Do I want to be coveted? I want to be coveted.
Do I want to be loved the way only a possession can be loved? For its enduring simplicity, lack of desires?
For an object is what it is, it does not *want* to be what it is. It provides service, pleasure, it does not *want* to provide pleasure. It is contingent upon its very existence. Intrinsic to its being. It is a pleasuring giving object, a service providing object, without giving pleasure it is less than nothing.
I want to be coveted.
Do I want to be fucked the way only a possession is fucked? I want to be fucked the way only a possession is fucked.
I want to be loved like a prized possession. I want to be coveted. I want to be a piece of art, a portal.
I want to add and be added to, to experience. I expand and contract.
I breathe heavily. I reach, and I hold on.
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͙͘͡★astro♡van͙͘͡★
Maybe you do enjoy being bent and shaped, but being formed doesn’t necessarily have to mean being changed to the point of breaking. There’s a difference between being shaped by something and being destroyed by it, I think.
I also understand that pull toward objectification.
There’s something really comforting about imagining the self as an object, as something that doesn’t want anything beyond what it simply is- it just is. An object can be used, cherished, displayed, or even destroyed, and there’s a strange simplicity in those possibilities.
But wait…..… secret third option!!!
What about an object that isn’t meant to be used or destroyed at all, but simply to be viewed, displayed, cherished, memorialized? A sash, for example, a valiant display of victory, or a beautiful souvenir snow globe left atop a fireplace mantel. Its purpose isn’t necessarily in what it does, but in what it represents, and in the meaning someone gives to its existence.
Maybe that’s part of what it means to want to be coveted- not to be reduced to usefulness, but to become something someone wants to keep looking at, keep close, keep choosing. A dollar bill only functions as currency because we collectively assign value to it. A card or a photograph can be worth more to one person than all the money in circulation, simply because of what it means to them.
Maybe being an object doesn’t have to mean being without desire or significance.
Maybe an object can be valued precisely because of what it is, and because someone chooses to see something in it worth keeping.
:)