Oh yay, life.

Tw sh, death and ways to die as well? Idk man 

Sometimes I believe life is just annoying and upsetting for fun

Like why are you telling me that I've spent a nice day watching batman and then going out with my friends, having a great time with them, later eating delicious desert and going home afterwards 

But the moment I finish showering and get comfortable on my own bed, I feel like everything I did today doesn't matter, because why should it? Why should it.

Nothing of the good things mattered, like it even did in the beginning. 

Now every bad thought comes triple their size and affects me insanely more

Why always at night? Why do they only come out at night? Why do I feel like absolute crap every. single. fricking. night? Why do I need to scratch myself so hard I see red angry lines just so I don't began to entertain the though of SH, stabs or even fricking thinking of gruesome ways to die

Why do I always think of death in brutal disgusting ways only at night? Why why why? 

Why do I think this would solve anything that I have going on in my mind? Why do I think ignoring it will make it feel better?

I just watch videos, talk to people, create this facade to forget about this all day long, but always at night it comes right back to be like an uncontrollable train that's going 200km/h towards me ready to run me over

I just can't even explain why I think of it, or why I am the way I am

But it's so tiring, sososo tiring I just want to do think of nothing, neither happy thought or sad, angry, gruesome, greedy full and whatever-the-heck-their-is-in-this-stupid-unusable-brain-of-mine thoughts 

Okay, now I feel lighter but worse even, how is that possible? Well it is but I'm too tired to think of anything rn, thanks