Scared

Im so scared of being a bad boyfriend,it genuinely terrifies me because i know that they can say all the shit they want about me and I will still stay because I've never felt as comfortable as i do with him, I've never talked about the things i talked with him,and don't ever think about showing my body, I'm so scared because i know i am a lot,i get depressed all the time and i complain all the time and i know how tiring it is to have a sad person by your side,buts its just i feel so comfortable with him that I can't even think about talking about all of this with another person,qnd I'm scred im not enough,i don't have the same liberty as him,we are nothing alike and it kills me because,idk it just does,i know he has a lot of problems and that he doesn't want help but i know that even my presence isn't helping, I've relapsed again and i font5have the guts to tell him because i know that he's going through a lot right now and the last thing he needs is having to confort another person .

I've said in the past that I didn't want a relationship because i was mentally ill but he entered my life and it literally because so much better but i feel like every time he's not around i feel all this weight in my shoulders coming back and i hate it because i want to be with every day but i know its annoying because if other people thought it he must also do it,and im just scared I'm a bad boyfriend and i don't know how to help it because I'm literally sad all fucking day and I can't get better even for the sake of it

Ivi if you're reading this i just want to let you know that i am much of a coward that you have to find out how i feel this way but i don't have the heart to tell you,i really hope you let me know if I'm doing something wrong or if I'm too much or if you want to leave me (god please no) I don't care but don't stay suffering by my side just for pity