Tragedy of the Shimas: Chapter 1

My feet hurt.

My knees ache.

I’m going blind from the sweat in my eyes.

And yet, I continue to climb this mountain.

It has already been two days of constant walking. My diet has consisted of solely granola bars and rain water. What little sleep I have managed to snag has been under trees, amidst insects and distant, foreign sounds. I miss my bed, but then again, there are a whole lot of things I miss right now.

The sun had just crept up above the distant horizon. To my right, a vast sea of trees blanketed in a purplish, hazy fog. Far off, mountains just like the one I am climbing now jut out from the below forests. I avert my eyes, looking from the right back to in front of me, and I continue walking.

The path (if it could even be called that) was of shoddy, primitive generation. A coarse dirt and gravel mix serves as the main pavement, with bigger and mossier stones occasionally accenting the sides. This path was somewhat steep, with an incline of about 25 degrees; just enough to walk, but also to feel a burning sensation with every step.

I’m not very far along this trail so far. Yes, I can now see over the trees and gaze at the distant mountains, but when I look to my left and raise my eyes towards the heavens, my eyes never find them, just more rock.

“Jesus it’s cold.” I fished around in my blazer’s right pocket for some cigarettes, my current most valuable possession. Despite being the only thing in said pocket, it took a few moments to find them. My frozen hand could barely feel the cardboard against it’s skin.

I looked down, and there was that iconic black packaging. “Hell yeah, Chiennes.” I then pulled one of the smokes out with my teeth. Looking out at the morning sun, I plucked out my lighter from my other pocket. It only took a couple all too familiar movements before I was puffing out smoke 2000 feet above sea level.

Walking up the path again, a voice began to be heard above (just barely above) the howling winds.

“Hehehe, eeeeh… heavyyyy… bag…” Even with the winds muffling her voice, I could tell that the person talking was a girl and that she has a heavy accent. I looked about me, but found no source of that soft, pretty voice. How mysterious (and intriguing)! I chuckled while wearing the most charming grin I can recall using before.

“Hey now! At least take me out to dinner first!” More howling winds, but after waiting 1, 2, and then 3 minutes, I didn’t hear anymore of that mysterious voice. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, that was a rather stupid, crass joke. Serves me right for trying my “humor” on an unsuspecting person. It’s okay though (really, it’s O-KAY), I will just continue walking on this path.

Thinking about it though, it really is her loss. How long have I been walking up this mountain now? From the base of the mountain to now, I would have to estimate that it has been around 24 hours. During every single second of those 24 hours, not a single other soul has been on this mountain other than me. This tells me that if you were a person who happened to frequently visit this mountain, or perhaps even live on this mountain, you would be pretty surprised to have met another person here. Hell, I'd wager you would even be happy to just meet another soul in this place. If that were the case, would not one try a little harder to engage in conversation with the friendly visitor? Or at least, would not one stick around for 5 more fucking seconds to see that the visitor is not a bad person; that in fact the visitor is a really GOOD person? But it’s really OKAY. O-K-A-Y. In fact; just like these Chiennes cigarette, it’s really, really quite good.

With much more walking, the path eventually reached a sharp incline in elevation. No, looking at it, it would be more appropriate to say that before me was a 90 degree rock wall.

“Jesus Christ…” I reached out and felt the surface. Sure enough, there were divots and protrusions in the rock that seemed sturdy enough to support my weight. It has not rained in a while either, and I have not travelled far enough up the mountain for snow fall yet, so there is a lack of moisture on the stones - further supporting the idea that I should climb this obstacle.

I didn’t want to rush things, however. Before attempting to climb the rock wall, I will investigate to see if there is another solution to continue up the mountain. After all, how embarrassing would it be to go through all of this trouble only to lose my footing on some rock wall and break my neck, all at an elevation shorter than a skyscraper?

I looked around, but every avenue looked just as, if not more dangerous than the rock wall. To the right there is nearly a complete drop off. The only reason you would go with this route is to have a little bit more of a “scenic” death. To the left, the possibility of going that way looked equally impossible, for that too was also pretty much a rock wall. The only difference between that one and the wall directly on the path is that the wall to the left seemingly doesn’t even have an end. Up and up that wall just keeps going up into the sky, a seemingly endless tower of earth.

Turning my attention back to the rock wall that is directly blocking the path, I began to scope out my path. All in all, it looks like a 15 minute task, but given my inexperience with climbing, it could take me around 30 to 45 minutes. At least for the first 10-15 feet of the potential climb, I feel as though I have spotted enough foot/hand holds to at least give it an honest try.

I readjust my backpack, crack my knuckles, and get as close as possible to the rock wall. It’s cool, very cool. Raising my right hand, I grab hold of one of those jutting out rocks. After gripping it, I try with all of my strength to pull it out of place.

“Ok, not moving…” I then use my left hand to grab another protrusion of rock, before then stamping my feet into some divots. When every part of my body found some part of the wall to stick itself to, I began the long and arduous process of pulling myself higher up the wall, one stone and one hole at a time.

“Argh…” It only took 5 minutes, but I was becoming exhausted. More and more frequently I have been taking longer and longer breaks during the climb. Now, I strain to even raise my arm to the next stone, and I am filled with the urge to just fall back to the gravel.

And that’s exactly what I did. I fell face to the sky, all the way to the ground. CRACK.

“Hihihihi.” There was that voice again! With not even a few seconds to process the mighty fall I just experienced, I quickly got up and spun all around, trying to find the source of the giggling. This inadvertently also - with great precision - revealed to me that there was a massive, throbbing pain now in the back of my skull. When my eyes darted about the trail behind me, the search for the girl was characterized by a certain… redness.

“Aaaaahhh…… AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!” A deep, searing, tearing pain, like tendons being pulled apart. It was dizzying, nauseating, like I just got off an amusement park ride. It was simply too much to bear. Keeling over, I vomited all over the gravel. There wasn’t much, just some green mucus and phlegm, maybe some bits of granola bar here and there. I couldn’t help but stare at the mess I made as I wiped my mouth.

“Eeeh… gross.” Once again, that voice could be heard. This time, however, I could hear it much more clearly. Without even thinking I looked above the rock wall, and I found the source.

She was a girl of East Asian descent. Everything about her drew attention to her piercing eyes, whether that be the lack of eyebrows, her powder-esque white face, or her long jet black hair. All of these elements contrasted sharply with her bright red eyes, which beat down upon me from atop the rock wall. I can’t tell if she is smiling, laughing, or grimacing at me, for her mouth is covered with one of the sleeves of her kimono.

Quickly, I wipe the sickness from my mouth and once again give the absolute best smile I can muster. When I contract my cheek bones in such a way, the earlier searing pain returns, but I push through and display my pearly whites (or at least, I hope they are still white. How many days has it been since I brushed my teeth?).

“Hey, how you doin’?” After saying that, I studied the mysterious girl to see how she would respond. As it turned out, she didn’t respond at all. Like a stubborn cat, she simply continued staring at me, still covering the bottom half of her face.

“HELLO!? I ASKED HOW YOU ARE MISS! CAN YOU HEAR ME!?” Again, she made no reaction at all. Perhaps she didn’t understand English? It would probably be worth it to at least explain my purpose for being here to her, just in case.

“If you are wondering why I am here, I am travelling up the mountain!” She is still studying me. I’ll continue explaining.

“I am planning on building a little house at the peak, complete with a little koi pond and a bird house!” Still, no reaction. Frustrated, I wave my arms in a dismissive way.

“Screw it, We’ll talk when I get up there I guess.”

Once again, I started climbing the rock wall. I tried my best to ignore the double vision that came along with that fall and tried to just focus on the stones before me. Instead of the bile boiling in my stomach, my mind turned to the coldness of the rock under my grip. Instead of the sensation of my eyes popping like grapes, I ruminated on the idea of finally standing atop this damned wall.

But it was all useless. Once again, all of the energy was zapped from my person. Predictably, my body succumbed to the laws of physics and fell, once again, to the ground.

“GRA- AAAHhh…” At least this time I had the forethought of landing in a somewhat better position. While I didn’t suffer any head injuries by the end of this descent, landing on my feet did cause a particularly ferocious pain in my right ankle. It was only after much sitting about and tending to said ankle did I manage to finally stand up and face the rock wall… again.

“At this rate I'll be an old man before I even reach half way up this mountain.” Looking up at the mysterious woman, I was expecting her to still be staring at me with those bright red eyes; but to my surprise, she was doing something different. While still covering the bottom half of her face, she used her free arm to make a sort of  “throwing” gesture. Almost as if she was miming the action of throwing a basketball. She looked mesmerizing. One could only watch for some time, transfixed.

I then noticed I was still carrying a backpack. Thinking about that weight on my shoulders, and the potential message behind this mystery woman’s actions, I had an idea.

“Ah, okay. I think I get it.” Upon saying this, I removed the backpack from behind me and held it within my hands. It wasn’t particularly heavy, but any way to make myself lighter for this climb should be explored. By throwing my bag atop the rock wall, that should remove at least 10 pounds from having to be carried during the climb.

But there was another problem. The rock wall was high; so high that I have doubts whether my throwing arm is powerful enough to launch the bag all the way to the top. Further adding to the challenge was the head injury I sustained a couple minutes ago, which makes even moving my head a grueling task.

“Only one way to find out…”

My feet dug into the gravel; my left foot forward, my injured right foot behind me. I trained my eyes at the top of the rock wall, getting a feel for the distance from me to it. The sun by now had risen higher in the sky. No longer was everything bathed in purple/orange color, now everything appeared as it should. The moss was green, the snow was bright white, and the skies were grey. I squinted my eyes to compensate for the added light and color before me. Without wasting any more time, I threw the bag with all of my might.

“...damn.” Before the bag stopped moving, I could already tell how this was going to end. With a thud; the bag impacted with the wall, and much like me, fell to the ground. Now the bag was before me, lifeless and slightly more ragged than before. It was a rather sad sight. Something about that image filled me with dread, so I quickly ran over and picked up the bag. Returning to my initial pitching spot, I readied myself once again.

“Okay, again.” I threw the bag, it hit the wall and fell down. Unperturbed, I retrieved the bag and got ready to try again.

“Again…” I threw the bag, it hit the wall and fell down.

“Again…” I threw the bag, it hit the wall and fell down.

“AGAIN, AGAIN, AGAIN!!!” Overhand, underhand; from 20 feet away to right underneath the wall’s fucking taint, I threw the bag in every conceivable way. But no matter what I did, it wasn’t going over that wall.

“GRAAAAAH!!!! I FUCKING HATE YOU! I’LL KILL YOU!” I was filled with rage. I pounced on the bag as though a lion on a hyena. I straddled the polyester material, gripping it, imagining that little bit of synthetic flesh in my vice was its throat. Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze. I squeezed with all of my strength. When I couldn’t squeeze anymore, I leaned down and bit. As my molars pressed down on the fabric, the pain in the back of my skull swelled. The volume of my heartbeat  Could inanimate objects feel pain? That is what I wanted to see, to feel .

It was all useless. *PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH* Deep down, I knew absolutely nothing would come from this immature explosion of violence. This was just me trying to make myself feel better; to “soothe” myself. *CRACK* *SCH-* *BAM* How embarrassing. Oh god, is that girl still watching? I would check, but I'm so angry. I’m so angry it hurts my head and makes tears well up in my eyes. *KICK*

I just wanted to climb this stupid mountain. *KICK*

To start a new life. *KICK*

Why is that so bad? Where is the crime in that? Is there no escape from it all? *KICK*

Drenched in sweat, I drilled in one more kick. It was a deep, satisfying kick. With that, there was a crunch - a destroyed granola bar perhaps - the sensation made me happy. Yeah, happy. Very, very happy.

I looked back up at the rock wall. To be completely honest, I was half expecting that mysterious girl to have left, but no. To my surprise, she was still up there and doing that gesture with her arm.  After almost killing myself with exhaustion trying to heave this bag above the wall, she is STILL trying to get me to do the same thing! It might be enough to completely push me over the edge.

But… What if she wasn’t telling me to throw the bag on top of the wall? Instead of focusing on the gesture itself, I focused on the direction she was doing it towards. Looking to the right, darker clouds had overrun the skies. The light that had illuminated the forests below is now gone. There is no doubt, this girl is making that throwing gesture towards this direction.

Now I get it. Picking the bag back up, a calmness overcame me. It felt like I had been tormented by an illusive crossword puzzle, but the solution had just descended down to me. Oh yeah, I know exactly what to do.

I flashed one more grin to the girl. One could only imagine the really cool and badass line I could say when I do what I'm about to do. “Hasta la vista baby!” or “And that’s a wrap folks!” I don’t know, I'll think of something. On second thought, let’s not say something stupid like that. I have already pushed my luck as it is.

Without further ado; I threw the bag off the mountain. It actually looked quite majestic, dancing through the air like that. In that instant, and only in that instant, the bag performed less like a bag and more like a bird. Look at it fly so beautifully! Such things don’t last forever, however, for the bag had no wings to flap, and it crashed on a cliff face a few meters down. After that, it slid for a little bit before disappearing somewhere down the mountain.

It’s weird. For a couple moments after I threw away my bag, I felt naked. Granted, I came up the mountain not necessarily dressed for the occasion, but I nonetheless felt somewhat clothed. But for those couple of seconds after getting rid of that bag, it was almost as if I was stripped down to my skin; almost as if all my possessions were stolen from me.

But then, that feeling subsided. The feeling of loss was replaced with what I can only describe as ecstasy. My body instantly felt lighter, like a great weight had been taken off my shoulders. Now I realize what I have been missing; all my life I was standing, when I could so easily be sitting! How much of a fool could I be!?

I wasted no time. The answer was reached and I didn't want to somehow lose it. As though it were natural, I took my wallet out of my pocket and held it in the air. When I brought it up, money didn’t fall out of it (this wallet hasn’t been warmed by such things in a long time). Instead, a picture fell out. I knew who the picture was of, so without looking at it, I picked it up and crumpled it into a little ball. No longer was I going to be weighed down by useless mass. Over the mountain did the useless crumpled up bit of paper go, along with the wallet. Again; it at first felt bad, but within seconds, the absence of such objects felt sooo gooooood.

The time had come to throw away everything. If one is going to take one step, might as well go all the way. My tweed blazer, my tie, my oxford dress shoes, my glasses, my socks, and my belt all went over and into the void. I was about to retry the climb when a certain siren-like voice in my soul called out to me, and I ultimately couldn’t resist it. To act as a finale to this symphony, I removed my buttoned up shirt and slacks, and I threw them off the mountain as well. It was out of consideration for the girl in my presence that I didn’t remove and throw away my boxers too. If she wasn’t here, I wouldn’t even have thought about it, those boxers would’ve been flying by now.

I am very cold now. It was a good cold however. Really, this is just the furthest extent of that previous emotion I was feeling; that feeling of loss. With that in mind, all of my worries melted away. Almost in an instant, the gravel beneath my feet ceased to dig into my soles, and the wind upon my back lost its bite. I took a deep breath; reborn upon this mountain, I shall tread it with the utmost freedom.

With confident steps, I walked to the rock wall for what I hoped to be the last time. Was that strange woman still at the top of the rock wall? I was not sure, I paid her no mind.

With quick, fluid motions, I started climbing the wall like a spider. Each one of my limbs stuck to the wall as though they were covered in glue. It was so natural it was almost scary. Before long, my body had climbed all the way to the top. When I had managed to pull myself over the ledge, I found more of the same path extending before me, but that was pretty much it.

“HELLO!? Where did you go!?” But no matter how much I looked around, that mystery woman was nowhere to be found. As disappointed as I was, I couldn’t dwell on it for too long. Those clouds from earlier were getting even darker, it would not be surprising if it started storming soon. Better hurry up.

“If you are still out there, I am moving further up the mountain, meet me there!” With a final glance at the ground that I had injured myself on so much, I turned around and started walking the path again.

It was difficult to be put into a bad mood at this point. So far on this journey, that wall was the toughest obstacle yet, and I conquered it! Add in the fact there was a pretty lady somewhere on this mountain, and things really don’t look too bad. I am a completely free man and this mountain is my oyster. My hands may be numb from the cold, but I don’t even care, I just smile and walk.