Loneliness (?)

I dunno why I’m even writing this but I kinda wanna know how I’d describe how I’m feeling with the need to edit it and clip it to be perfect enough for the public to see (legit nobody)

I’ve been feeling this way for a few years now, I get so depressed and feel so alone and unwanted, and when that happens whatever current friendships or relationships I have I start to withdraw from, blocking them and or making up excuses to just leave them alone, I feel like nobody actually wants to be around me, I’m not interesting or funny or offer anybody anything except for just being there ig, I’ve never had a friendship last more than 2 weeks, I don’t know how to maintain friendships, I’m extremely obsessive and possessive, so when I do start liking someone I start love bombing them or acting all funny and legit performing for their interest, but nobody ever stays anyway so I end up sabotaging everything before they get a chance to leave me, I pick fights from nothing or I convince myself everybody hates me, and the loneliness is quite literally eating me alive, I’m so sick of feeling like this, I lay in bed for days, watch YouTubers going out with their friends and doing stuff, while my biggest accomplishment is brushing my teeth and showering