Dear Diary,

CLASSES

As a junior, my schedule currently consists of APUSH and APLang+Composition, precalc, intermediate art, spanish 2, and physics! (Not in that order) Honestly, it’s going pretty okay…I’m choosing to ignore that D in math…(＞﹏＜)

Anyways! Honestly I had a ROUGH start in APUSH (if you don’t know that’s just AP US history) considering I took cp world instead of AP world last year in order to avoid the teacher… (she SUCKS!!!!)

I actually ended up doing pretty decent during our first unit test! Somehow I managed to get a good score on the LEQ and SAQ sections while not doing so great in the MCR, which is totally the opposite of what I predicted.

For APLang and Composition, it was also a rocky start. I think the first full week of school we had to write timed essays. The first one was given to us randomly, and I did BUNS on that (-ω-、)

After that, I started being more prepared to write a random timed essay, and I started getting better at finding evidence and constructing a pretty good essay within the class period!

My other classes are pretty much the same. Currently my favorite class is OBVIOUSLY art ❤️❤️ I love art and I’m so happy to finally be back after having to skip it sophomore year in order to take Spanish.

However…math….it’s genuinely just hell on earth. 

I think I’ve mentioned it before but OMG I hate that teacher smmmmm!!!! I had him last year and basically failed every quarter until my parents forcibly made me drop the class and transfer into a cp algebra class (before I was taking Advanced and on the path to AP precalc).

I swear on god this guy is the worst teacher ever. I finally got my score back from our first test and it was like a 60 something percent and this guy has the AUDACITY to say that we did pretty good and that the class average was in the 70s. SEVENTY? SEVEN ZERO? THATS PRETTY GOOD TO YOU???? Do you not hear yourself genuinely??? 

Omg no clue how this one guy got an A on that test…I’m genuinely just not cut out for this. AND I CANT EVEN TRANSFER OUT TO A DIFFERENT TEACHER BECAUSE THERE AREN’T ANY OTHER AVAILABLE SLOTS 😭😭 

CLUBS

This year, I’ve decided to be more active as I wanna get those brownie points for graduation and college. For the past two years, my only club was the art club, HOWEVER the old officers graduated last school year.

You KNOW I took that opportunity. Actually I kinda wanted to take the role of president, but I let my friend take up that position since she really doesn’t have any other stuff and she’s been in the art classes a year more than me (she qualified for summer PE and opened up an extra elective slot). So I’ve settled for Vice President and it was all pretty simple since my teacher HIGHKEY likes us and already was planning on us being officers.

But any who, that doesn’t mean I can’t still act the way I would’ve if I was President. I’ve been brainstorming ideas and crafts for meetings as well as potential ways to earn more funds for the club (we are BROKE).

Don’t think I forgot about the other clubs I joined this year! One of the clubs I decided to sign up for NAVI (a mental health club) again since last year I really did NOT attend those meetings very often. I also joined this newly founded ASL club (my other friend is the treasurer) and I just got back home from their first meeting! 

And finally…because of some issues I was going through last school year, I couldn’t qualify for stuff like CSF or National Honors Society which is such a bummer because they’re good on college applications and you get a stool for graduation.

SOO to combat this, I’ve joined the Spanish Honors Society, which also gives out stools for graduation if you complete the necessary amounts of community service. There’s a fall festival in October and I’ve signed up to unload some pumpkins as well as a few shifts just working there in general.

General Thoughts

I think these days, I’m slowly healing mentally. I have the motivation to dress nicely again and do makeup, as well as upkeep my hygiene, which I KNOW sounds gross, but if you know, it’s genuinely so hard to take care of yourself when you’re deep in depression.

I mean obviously, precalc and the teacher for it is NOT helping whatsoever but we ball

But I also feel a little melancholy…before, I would immerse myself online. I would just scroll for hours or chat with my online friends while neglecting everything else. I was and still am happy whenever we chat, but I feel a little guilty for not being as active as before.

I think the healthier I get mentally, the more I pull away from those online spaces and friendships I hold dear. For the most part, I rarely go online to chat or game with my online friends. The only one unaffected from any of this would be my online friend Mari 👀(hi if you read this)

I think the hard part is understanding and coming to terms with the fact that the spaces where I went to for comfort and escape lose their effect the more mentally okay I feel. Because I’m not as sullen or depressed as before, I’m more willing to go out and be in the moment instead of curling up and escaping reality.

And I think many can relate to this feeling. It’s hard to let go of those spaces. Honestly for me, just checking in with my online group every once in a while helps reassure me and stay connected with them. Yes I miss them from time to time, but they also all have their own lives to live out however they wish. I like to think of our occasional conversations as a small get together to catch up and update each other on what’s new.

Final Thoughts...

Constantly I felt guilty randomly abandoning my blog. I had this feeling gnawing at me from time to time to just go and write some small little blurb, but I realized I want to put effort into what I write.

I’ll continue writing out with as much love and effort I can pour into each post, regardless of how long it takes, so I apologize if I disappear for weeks or months at a time.

I know very few actually read these things, which is partially why I paused on posting. I got too caught up in chasing validation and likes, and forgot why I originally started blogging in the first place