Unavoiding

I want to free myself from the shackles of avoidance. It's literally so terrible. I grew up with anxiety so that made socializing so bad for me even if people did appear genuine though sometimes you can't even really tell. And mix that with only being valued for my appearance sometimes it's like how would I even satisfy what would be acceptable for me to be. But at the same time it's like who really cares. But I feel like because growing is such a journey I've had such inner phases which would consider me really weird I kinda just kept that internal till I was ale to appear acceptable to the through my looks but not really my personality. Like how can I satisfy those that have an interest in talking with me if I don't want to share those qualities of myself yet. But 17 so gotta be me. I wish I never dated young cause didn't do me any good for the type of person am now which I want to project. I just feel like I wouldn't have those internal judgments to project on individuals cause it's not their fault I am the way I am.