♡⌇ do i love him, actually?

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♡。my boyfriend is able to tell me various reasons why he loves me (he says that im creative, authentic, respectful, easy-going, friendly, sweet, kind, willing to listen, smart and silly, says we have the same vibe)

♡。but when i try to think about why i like him back, the answer comes to me as basically "hes cute and hes nice to me/he actually pays attention to me"

♡。ive always had a hard time feeling for people who dont benefit me somehow. i love it when hes happy because that means he likes me. i dont care for most of his interests but i will listen because it makes him happy, and because its "only fair"

♡。it was like that in every other relationship ive been in too, when i was younger i would only enter relationships because it would give them more reason prove just how much they like me

♡。even in normal friendships, its so hard for me to care about what other people are doing if its not related to me and whats best for me or something i enjoy. its something i want to work on but the feeling's likely always going to be there. ive been told that what im looking for are fans instead of friends most of the time and it annoys me because they're right to an extent, but my desire in friendships is so cartoonish that its impossible in the real world

♡。and sometimes i only care if i "actually" feel a certain why so i can express it better so people like me more. im unsure if thats all im doing even here. 

AURI-EL ｡♥︎

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