how do you stop hating yourself?

short answer: if you're actually horrible, you can't. most horrible people don't have empathy or feelings of inadequacy. they don't hate themselves because in their mind, they are horrible for a good reason (usually selfish reasons). so if you hate yourself and have reasons to feel that way, what are you supposed to do? wallow in that misery? act overconfident as a shield? 

...

get better? 

how do you 'get better' anyway? if life keeps pushing you into horrible situations, keeps forcing you to be horrible to simply exist, how are you supposed to get better? and what does that mean anyway? who says what 'better' is? how do you judge that? 

what if it's impossible because there's no way to erase the past? what if the horrible past is all i am? how do i untangle who i am from the trauma i've been through and the things i've done?