thoughts from a 21 year old stuck in 2004...⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

some current moods and thoughts in my head: 

i feel like it is impossible to get out of melancholy when you yearn for a place and/or time you can't go to. listening to mcr's bullets album a lot lately. i'm happy fall is here but i already mourn the summer. i'm stuck in between romanticising the sh*t out of the 2000s but i also have enough awareness to know that this time was anything but sunshine and rainbows... it's just rough. i'm a very visually thinking person and if anything gets to me it's curated aesthetics... so you can bet the 2000s boards on pinterest and vibes edits get me immediately... 

one day, i'm gonna find a form of art that allows me to express my nostalgia... it's really gonna be the death of me. lots of it is adhd limerence too. yes, even for a time i never lived through. i feel like it's isolating to be so into a subculture that isn't very alive where i am right now. but then again, back in the days people also found their community online... maybe it's time to get back to that... 

the leaves are changing colours; it's so pretty but it will always be filled with a longing... yearning, for what exactly? i'm not sure. 

i miss my friends... they're all over the country and world even and we never had enough time to spend together as a group before everyone split up to go their own way. 

for me, it majorly sucks that i'm passionate about so many things but never enough about one thing to stick with it for a long time.. mid artist, mid musician; it doesn't even matter that i'm not the best at these things, it's just hard to build a life and a path if your desires and passions are changing so often. it's about time i start doing everything... 

logging off for now <3