Humanity is cruel but I pity it.

Written by Host, Crowley,  and Unknown Alter

It's cruel, I hate our nature. But the same time I pity us.

I am an agnostic in a strictly Christian household. Bible verses are stapled everywhere. I have to pray everytime I eat, I have to pray every time I do anything infact. I even need to pray before sleepy, even if I'm so tired already from a whole day of just agonizing works of school and mental health problems.

Even my cup holders have Bible verses in them. One day I won't be suprised if our toilet has a Jesus sticker on it🫩

History tells us many things. We read about different origins, events and figures. Some confirmed true with proof and some speculated false. One of the most debating topics is where we as humans emerge from. World view, religion. 

To me I find it crazy. Crazy that I and more than half the population lived considering ourselves "sinners" for simply surviving. Why do I need to thank someone for living the way I want to?

When the topic is crime and morality, I believe every evil is a form of survival. Even the worst psychopaths, the kindest of souls, all in the name of survival.

I probably sound like spilling bullshit but yea.

Go think of the worst crimes out there. For some reason it will always root back to how the person was created or raised. Oh rape? Terrible. Yet it comes from either a good ol' thing of the abused being an abuser or lust. Yes, Lust.

Lust happens because your brain triggers a powerful biological urge to drive reproduction and ensure the survival of the human race. 

How about murder ? terrible childhood, survival, you name it. Even a killer for fun, yes, no one kills for no reason. For either traumatic mental health, untreated severe neurodivergency in the brain, craving for the dopamine it needs to survive to the point of sadism and crimes.

For some reason every evil, inhumane, DISGUSTING crime always drives back to humans' mental, if not, physical attraction to survival.

Our own bodies are killing each other in a sort of survival. We hurt each other, we destroy because we survive. While morality is developed deep inside, I am not defending crimes. But deep inside I do wonder, if there is a God, why would he give us free will when our free will is limited by our own body? People are locked out of their morality because their brains are unable to.

I hate alot of people and alot of things. I hate Trump, I hate my dad, I hate my groomer, my sister and more. Yet after all I said, if their brains were formed those way, i feel pity for the selves they could have been without God's corrupted free will. As someone with lack of sympathy and full of hate towards the cruel world, I have a deep sense of empathy and I pity our kind.

The 7 deadly sins

Pride, Envy, Lust, Wrath, Sloth, Gluttony, Greed.

All of these are just traits actions and emotions. Reactions of the world around us.

We're just confused, trying to figure out where we came from. In reality, no one will ever actually know. People create religions to explain things and pass on morals to morals and laws to laws. But all religions clearly seem to center on what benefits THEM and which is why Christianity is a misogynistic, racist and homophobic group of people. Every religion is.

However cruel someone will be, in the end I just pity our race. Everything is so inevitable it's fucking miserable. It's really depressing but I guess the only way I can make this positive is by mentioning my friends. 

I wrote this because I heard my troubled friend talk about the topic of murderers today. On how anger and mental health can really reason(not excuse) it. And it really hit me because that's what I've always felt. Which is why I never felt like I really belonged in this world. But to my friends I feel seen.

I'm grateful for their traits of survival that had turned them into the people they are. Whatever they have been going through, they're more than their trauma, anger, addictions, attachments, grades, and inner problems they don't tell me but I deeply feel.

In a world where survival is a sin, I'm glad I am sinning with the right people.