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THIS IS A WEIRD VENT POST I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY I AM POSTING IT. IF YOU ARE A CHILD OR FIND THE TOPIC UPSETTING MAYBE JUST DONT READ IT.
i dont want to fucking do this anymore i just want peace and happiness. im just so fucking tired of this everything is so pointless and still i have to suffer its almost unbearable when i feel like this even though it doesnt happen daily. i just cant take it anymore ive been feeling like this for years and the only breaks are get are when i just feel empty and lazy. not a fucking thing brings me joy i only get this weird agitated kinda hyped feeling and i hate that too. most of the time i dont really feel distressed like now but i dont do anything meaningful and i am extremely lazy and nothing is interesting. the main trigger is school i know that but i have not a fucking idea why like im not being bullied or anything (i used to get bullied and lived in constant pain for around two years but that was 4-5 years ago now). i dont even know i guess i just dont like the atmosphere there and i cant get over my “trauma”. i have pretty bad social anxiety too and i cant get simple everyday tasks done and im basically a complete failure i cant do shit alone. i havent seen my therapist in many many months now because my parents were lazy to make a parental appointment or whatever its called (im not a minor anymore so that probably couldnt happen now). i tend to let things slip from my hands and give up. whatever i do i just give up instantly or dont even start. i do very embarrassing and ridiculous things frequently and i am just sick of myself and my life. the only thing is that theres been minimal improvement over the years but its barely anything. i am very negative about everything and always overthink things. its the second day of school and i already feel sick. having to wake up early and going to school everyday just makes me physically ill sometimes. i feel like giving up i have had enough of these feelings they have been here for so long and they are fucking pissing me off like im supposed to move on and become productive. im literally just waiting to completely snap and be put in some mental institution. i dont even feel sad its really rare that i do. the emotions i feel most frequently are anxiety, anger and emptiness/laziness. please if you are reading this dont get the impression that im gonna off myself or hurt myself physically i would never do that death is terrifying to me. im so ridiculous and hopeless that even meeting my friends makes me stressed sometimes (hedgehogs dilemma kind of situation). i only feel somehow comfortable with my younger sister. this is my last year of high school. how am i gonna get a job like this? how am i gonna get through college like this? the only thing i like is music. i want to learn the guitar and become a musician but i dont know if its possible for me. i dont want a boring, meaningless job and life. i want to do something crazy and extraordinary with my life and want to meet people but i just cant achieve that like this. i dont feel like continuing writing so sorry for putting this bullshit on your screen.
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𝔻𝕖𝔸𝕟𝕟𝕒
Please don’t apologize for writing this or call it “bullshit.” You’re not bothering anyone by talking about what you’re going through. And honestly, I don’t think you’re lazy, ridiculous, or a failure. It sounds like you’ve been struggling for a long time and you’re completely exhausted from fighting the same feelings over and over. You don’t have to have everything figured out just because you’re in your last year of high school. Your future isn’t ruined because you’re struggling right now. You can still go to college, learn guitar, make music, meet people, get a job, and have the extraordinary life you want. You just might need some help getting there, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Since you haven’t been able to see your therapist in months, please try to tell a trusted adult how bad things have been feeling and work on getting back into therapy or finding another person you can talk to. You shouldn’t have to carry all of this by yourself. And even though you said you don’t plan on hurting yourself, if that ever changes or you feel like you might not be safe, please tell someone immediately or contact emergency/crisis support. You are worth getting help for, and you are so much more than what you’re struggling with right now.
orangjuice
if this sort of content doesnt belong on spacehey please tell me and i will delete this post
It's alright, No one will judge you for venting your pain or frustrations. I hope you can soon feel better and find motivations or things that help you see the situations you're going through in a different light. I'm sorry you've had to go through and are going through such terrible things :( - Hugs and support from my profile.
by Ale3w!!; ; Report
you are so nice thank you! it really means a lot to me you know. i barely share my feelings with people so im glad i could at least share it with a few kind strangers.
by orangjuice; ; Report