about talking and sharing

Hi, this is my first blog post. I’ll be sharing things here until I find a platform that’s better suited to me or where I feel more at ease. I might delete this entry bcs a few days later I'll probably realize this is stupid. There probably won't be many people seeing this, but please forgive me for not knowing how to address you all :)

A few minutes ago, I had my first session with a psychologist. Even though it was the first one, it was really tough for me. I felt incredibly stressed, wanted to cry, and so on—but I held back because I thought it was unwarranted and that I’d look stupid. I hope they didn't notice my voice trembling. I struggled a lot to speak during the session; I couldn't really express myself. When she asked questions to get to know me, I realized I didn't even know myself yet, so I couldn't give good or satisfying answers. There were long stretches of silence, and that made me so uncomfortable. The session ended somehow—before I even realized where the time had gone. Even though I had strictly told myself to be careful about what I shared, I didn't really stick to that; I ended up saying most of what was on my mind. It made me wonder if I’m an easy target.

When the session ended and I said goodbye to the psychologist, I took a breath of relief—the kind I hadn't been able to take for three years; my lungs filled with air like never before. And that caused me to finally let go. I cried for a while—about five minutes. But this crying felt different; it was a relief-filled cry. I felt that lightness you get when you’re laughing and crying at the same time, though it was briefer. Now, I’m writing this while still under the influence of that relief, and just like when I spoke to the psychologist, I’m writing without filtering my thoughts. My fingers move across the keyboard so fast. As I reviewed this paragraph, I felt that lump in my throat all over again...

That sense of relief made me feel as though I didn't need another session right then—as if everything had been set right in just one session, and I was the peaceful person alive. I can't help but wonder if the friend of mine who receives psychological support feels this way, too. Would my friend who feels his life isn't worth living have felt this way if he would had a support like that? Or am I just overreacting? I don't know.

                                                                                                         27/08/2026      21.27