who am i

I try to grow like all who is around me, but how do they do it? how do they climb every rock, every boulder and manage to do it again? What's the secret?

 I feel as though I was put on this earth to blend in, God's fucked up experiment to see what would happen if they put something not quite human into a human body, and expected it to behave just like everyone else, everyone else who seems to have it all figured out from day one, everyone else who has it encoded into their DNA to be okay and excel at everything they try. While my DNA doesn't quite match the rest, somethings off, not quite human not quite like the rest. 

 From day one I was put into a situation not like the rest, forced to think things differently, forced to grow up far too fast, forced to explore my own mind instead of the world around me. At a very young age I jumped down a rabbit hole and haven't yet figured out how to get out. I've specially curated my mind to be a world so far different from the real world that often its so hard to tell the difference.

 I'm not sure who I am, or what I'm here for, everything changes so often and so quickly that it feels more like the real world is the fake one, my mind is the real one. I feel as though maybe I'm a lot of different people, people who like different things and don't always get along, I feel as though I'm constantly fighting within myself to express myself.

 I feel I'll lose myself if I don't act on everything all at once. How do people do it? How is it so easy to not change perspectives so often, how do I get myself stuck in myself instead of someone else? Maybe I really am just not human and can't see everything the way others do, I'll always be a fucked up being who can't blend in, or maybe I do but I can't see it, I'll always feel out of place and wrong.