Parasocial relationships are addictive

I don't know if this is a hot take or not, however I love having parasocial relationships with my favorite historical figures. Oscar Wilde is one of my idols (perhaps even literally... I've been questioning if I idolize him or not) and I actually view him as a paternal or fraternal figure. I mourn his death to this very day, every day. Every time I see a picture of him, my heart calms down. I have two bottons of him and I hold it for relaxing my nerves. Nevertheless, I always cry when someone mentions how he suffered. I know about Wilde better than I know about my father, and I think he taught me more intellectual things than my father did as well. I really wish I could speak with Wilde, only a little. Only a single word. My heart bleeds while I write this...I just wish that immensely. 

He makes me wonder if I am neurodivergent.