When you don’t feel useless anymore

For anyone who feels undervalued, here's my experience in case it helps:

Since I was little, I've been one of those kids who admired their friends, even if it wasn't always reciprocated. I loved everyone so much and just wanted to be treated like one of them, but as we grew up, everyone's personalities became more defined, and at the height of adolescence, everyone's egos inflated, which was noticeable in my relationship with them. There was really no real problem other than the exclusion and the irritation caused by not knowing how to break free from that feeling because of nostalgia, they were my childhood friends.

Finally, I realized that I wasn't like them and that there were many ways to have friendships, and I was only seeing one of them. I changed almost all my friends and met people closer to the kind of friendships I needed, but I was really inexperienced in forming supportive and empathetic groups, since that was all new to me. So, things got tense, and unfortunately, I drifted away from most of my friends again (I have to admit I wasn't perfect back then either). When I changed schools to focus on the arts, I discovered there were sensitive and empathetic people I could get along with better. I finally thought I'd found my place until I discovered that even in the arts, there are bad people or simply people I just can't get along with. I made some very good friends I'm still in touch with, but I went through a really tough time again, and it left scars that are still there. I'm finally finding greater emotional stability in both my social and romantic relationships, but that happiness has come too late.

Because I felt like the world was going to devour me, I've always been someone who's terrified of arguments. “Why get angry with someone if you can talk things out civilly?” I thought, but I didn't realize that some arguments were necessary because of people who don’t want to be civilized, and my aversion to them made me endure more than necessary just to avoid causing trouble. My fear of rejection was controlling me, and that fear made me feel inferior. Over time, I thought I had begun to overcome that inferiority complex, but all it takes is seeing someone self-assured, comfortable in their own skin, and charismatic, and that's when I start to feel that there's someone superior to me. As you may have gathered, those last characteristics don't necessarily indicate a bad personality—quite the opposite—but a simple hint of nostalgia from a time when I felt useless brings those feelings back. It's a perfectly natural reflex and its appearance have a meaning, but it isn’t always necessary.

To stop feeling this way, I'm applying a different perspective to everything I do, and it really works. It's as simple as realizing that a sudden feeling of fear serves no purpose, because no one will see you as inferior. And if they do see you as less valuable than you are, that's their problem. This will make you act more confidently and boost your self-esteem. Thanks to this simple mindset, I've noticed that I find myself in less hostile environments than I used to perceive them to be, like groups of friends, the gym, or even my own home. I feel a bit behind on this issue because I should have applied something so simple much sooner, but I needed to find a stable foundation on which to build my confidence and reflect on the origin of my fear.