I want to do everything, so i do nothing.

Most of us wanting things, wanting a new home, wanting a new hobby, wanting a new skill, i wanted something diferrent. Obviously, in my head i was very projective. In my head its all what i wanted to do, i think about it, i think about doing it, i think about the details, and i think about the outcome, but i never moved to do it.

Since college, option have only multiplied. 

The Questions 

How are we supposed to choose? 

1. “Too Many Options”

gonna quote a Sylvia Plath real quick on this one, from her famous book “In The Bell Jar” 

“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”

As a teenager, i feel like this connects deeply with anyone really, of having such big dreams and ambitions, and having that aswel as a source of your downfall. How social media keeps feeding us these new ideas and goals, it trains us subconciously to keep wanting multiple things while in real life thats unrealistic and bunch of bullshits. 

So how do we truly step out of it? take. that. first. step.

no matter how much you ponder around and think of it, thinking and dreaming does not get you anywhere, it will get you nowhere, stuck in that same loop. 

1. “Too Much Comfort”

quick reference to a 19th century russian novel, oblomov. 

this anology often mistaken with the fig anology, you don’t have too much options, you have too much comfort, enough to block you to get out of bed and do it. 

oblomovism. A term from oblomov to describe a state of extreme apathy, inerta, and chronic procrastination. Honestly, this is what people most struggle with, having that say dyadream like the first point, but instead of having too much options, you are too comfortable in your own space, too comfortable in your own bubble, your habit, your routine. This what actually blocks you. 

1. A Quiet Refusal

“I would prefer not to.”

Somehow is a quote we all unconciously say. Say you always wanted to start something new, a book, opening a new shop, take a walk, start whatever the fuck you want. You planned it, you think about it, you make the outlines, but you never do it. 

You keep saying to yourself the problem is willpower or focus or finding the right system, but if you have been doing “not doing” for years, how come that patterns keeps coming up? the not doing wants to tell you something. Maybe you actually dont want the thing, or not wanting enough, or maybe you want the identity of the person who does it but you don’t want to do the actual work to achieve it. 

the exit is honesty.