a little bit o' nothing

usdhuhgg writing this at a very empty-yet-absolutely-swamped time of my life.

god, i hope she never reads this but OASNABG ME AND FISH ARE GETTING CLOSER YAYY!! if you don't know who fish is, GOOD. i'm feeling very miserable right now haha but that misery is unrelated to fish:3 she's one of the very few reasons i'm not fully depressed or heavily suicidal.

my sucidal tendencies have greatly reduced over the months. i'm still heavily depressed, but i no longer want to kill myself. TW for bad thoughts so if you read this far, CLICK AWAY IF YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE!!! it's weird because i go to my terrace almost everyday (its a 22-storey building) and sit on a slab at the side and just stare at the big blue sky and the city skyline fucking saturated with tall-ass buildings and the blinding white of my terrace literally burning into my retinas. and. i just. i don't feel the urge to throw myself off of it. i used to, which is why i didn't go to my terrace during the first year we moved into this building because gravity was affecting me a LOT and everytime i looked down i wanted to jump.

wow that's bleak haha. bleak coming from me and not one of the others.

ANYHOO!!! in some light-hearted news, I GOT INTO A VERY PRESTIGIOUS COLLEGE FOR BPT! BPT stands for Bachelor of Physiotherapy, and i. okay fuck it i might be doxxing myself but there's like fifty students in my course and what are the chances that someone who does not know that Mea is miseraria (Mea is what i shall refer to myself as henceforth (i am pissed at myself that i didn't come up with it sooner)) finds this website, puts the pieces together (which will require extensive stalking might i add) and figures out my online exploits hahahahhahaa

i got into NMIMS, which is primarily a college for commerce but they do offer a few good science courses like Applied Psychology and other stuff also but i didn;t really look into allat because i knew i just wanted to do BPT. half of my batchmates seem like they are uncultured swine, and i am honestly dreading interaction because of all the 200 that applied (we had a test on monday (10th?) and then an interview but we had to wait in a waiting area and everyone was sitting in a room so i was like talking to people and scoping them out and) i could tell that maybe 10 were neurodivergent, alt or queer. and what are the chances that those specific people end up getting selected. i am likely going to end up ostracised, but hey, atleast fish (who is doing something to become a CA!) will be there on campus yayyy

i really wanna bitch about what i think my class is going to be like, but i don't want to have a preconceived notion of things because that wouldb't be fair to my classmates. not like they're going to be fair to me or anything but i try not to be a hypocrite wherever possible.

also, I AM NOW MASSIVELY INTO EPIC THE MUSICAL AND I AM COMPILING MY FAVORITE ANIMATICS TO SHOW FISH IN HOPES THAT SHE TOO FALLS IN LOVE WITH IT WITH THE SAME DEGREE OF MADNESS I NOW POSSESS

15aug2026