just rambling

hi guys im back! been a bit hope y'all missed me ;P

I met someone in a college group chat and he showed me how to get back on the site (thank you bro) so im just gonna ramble. 

so my life has been going through a lot of changes since I last posted, one reason Is that It has been a year since I have had access to this account and another has been that during that year I started and completed my finale year of high school. 

As i'm writing this blog I am going into my first year of college for a social sciences course which has me anxious for a number of reasons. One reason is because I feel like I dont really know anyone in my course and am worried about not having friends in college, my induction day only amplified those worries to be entirely honest. 

Another thing I worry about is related to a greater issue I have had for a while now. i'm 18 and am still unemployed which prevents me from engaging in a lot of activities people my age typically do. I have tried to stop that from effecting a lot of my friendships but it's clear that it has. A lot of friends I used to see relatively often have wanted more than just movie nights, aimless walks and group hangouts in random places. most people in my life want to go shopping, the beach and  restaurants which are all things that Im personally not able to afford right now. I can tell it annoys people and I do feel people distancing from me in exchange for friends who can meet those needs which obviously is just a way of life. i worry that my inability to do these things will prevent me from forming relationships in college. 

if it isnt already obvious im a more social person and enjoy the company of others a lot but of course I worry about my course work and other typical anxieties about starting new like anyone else would. I intend on keeping a fresh mind and letting people show me who they are themselves and im sure I will make meaningful connections in college, if I dont I will still get an eduction alongside one of my best friends from high school. 

However, I am excited to start this new chapter in my life. me and my girlfriends anniversary is next week and we are going to a concert together this weekend. My girlfriend is my biggest supporter and cheerleader, I dont know where I would be without her and I am more and more thankful for her every day. we will be doing something on Monday the day before I start college which she still refuses to tell me what it is. ive prepared several goodies for her for our anniversary which I won't be saying on here (just incase) but I hope she loves all of it as much as I love her. I know im a young adult however I truly think I can see this girl being the person I spend my life with, I want to marry her when im older and support her dreams as much as possible and then some. she is such an inspiration to me and I believe that should be the basis of a relationship, not someone you have to earn or someone who needs to be with you all day every day but someone who inspires you to be better for yourself, someone who amplifies you as a person and someone who you see as an equal. I have to stop before the word count on this tangent about my girlfriend is longer than that one loud house fan fiction. 

TLDR: im nervous for college and I love my girlfriend