It’s time

Welp, it’s here, the time of year when American school starts. Which I am a part of that, so I’m walking up at 7 am to catch a bus to get to my busy class schedule. 

I know how many people dislike school for a variety of reasons. But somehow, I don’t. I’ve had my fair share of stupid drama, idiot people and ridiculous staff, but I still look forward to going every year. 

Now, I’m going to share a few stories of my experiences through my first year, kindergarten, through now, my junior year that I’m going to start. Just to go through my mind to see what happened and why things happen. There’s no part 2, yall don’t need it. 

Kindergarten: It’s my first year of school, I was quite excited to go from what my parents told me. They held me back already due to my age, which the cutoff was Sept. 1, I was born Sept 5. I was ahead in maturity than other kids, but that was okay. From my own memory, I did quite well in the work I had, I did it then colored on the side. Only thing I hated was, I made absolutely no friends. 

My teacher would actually grade the class on how well we made friends. I’d always fail, as I tried so hard, but it’s also not 100% my fault, as other people could deny friendship. So that was only F on my report card. My teacher was the last hope for friendship. Her pregnancy however made her quite awkward, even the substitute teacher wasn’t all that good, though was better. Either way, it sucked, I was alone. 

First - Fifth grade: I remember these years as sort of the same. Barely any friends, maybe one person who is still actually friends with me now. I got banned from playing dodgeball for throwing too many headshots, and I once thought the fancy way of holding a sandwich was with your middle finger, not your pinky finger. I got away with that tho. Nothing much however, it wasn’t that exciting. 

Middle school: These were the toughest years in my opinion. It’s tough for lots of kids. However, these were also the years I got extremely depressed and almost well, yknow. 

The main bit of it is this girl. I will not name her, but she was the best and worst girl you could meet. She’ll be named Rose for this. So in sixth grade, I noticed Rose from afar. She had this half shaven look that I absolutely adored. I thought she was beautiful. I only started to actually talk to her once the end of that school year came. 

In Seventh, We talked more, I actually got to know her, even dated on and off until the end of middle school. Rose was friends with others, which helped me make some basic friends, which was all I ever wanted. Rose would usually hang out with me, I liked her company. She was cool, I thought she was awesome. Then the drama came. 

Toward the second half of seventh grade, I started to hear stuff. How she wasn’t actually a good person. Though I didn’t care, she was nice to me, was it so bad? Yes, it couldn’t have been worse. 

From what I remember, she would talk normally to me, if she needed help, I would give it. She had medications, I would help her and support her. That’s what it means to be a friend. But… I never got it in return. Sometimes I wondered if I did something wrong. I had some issues with self discovery. Finding my true self, going through bullying as I tried different fashion, expressing myself different ways. I tried to look like her. I still have one of her hoodies to this day. 

But here’s the kicker, whenever I felt down about it, she would either ignore it, or slightly mention it, made a sad attempt of help, then go back to what she was doing. It hurt, sure. But I assumed she just had something more important. 

I still was her friend though, as naive as I was. I talked to my parents. I learned something. Two-faced. It meant someone who acted nice at first, to gain trust, then used you when they needed. But if you were no use, they’d forget and discard you. Rose was two-faced. 

I didn’t like that discovery. Not one bit. I admired Rose, she got along with people, looked cool, and allowed me to achieve my dream of having friends. So I didn’t want to believe it. I continued to stay friends with her, but spacing myself if she ever got rude or ignoring me. 

It helped, I spaced away from her for a while. I would go back though every time she put a smile on my face. I swore I even fell in love with her once. She was my first kiss, and I would always blush insanely whenever she flirted with me. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t let go so easily. 

Thought it came to Eighth grade, my last grade. I was spacing from her again. But something was off, she became physically hurtful towards me. She had a metal lunchbox inside a plush one, would totally hit me playfully with it. It hurt. I shared PE with Rose, she hit me with so many balls I swear the next thing I would be was a man. 

I went to counselors for this. Guess what that did. Jack nothing. They were useless. And slowly, Rose kept getting more confident in her stride against me. I wanted to keep forgiving her, I gave her many chances. But it kept bottling up. And imagine you have a soda. You shake it, it goes up in pressure, then down if you leave it for a while. Continue that loop. That was me. Except towards the end of eighth grade. You, Rose, opened that shooken bottle of soda, and I burst. I couldn’t take it. I know what I said then, not going to repeat it, it was hurtful and I know it. I got a class change and 3 days of ISS after that. I wasn’t physical, just threatening. 

I felt so much better after that. Like I was free. We didn’t go to the same high school thankfully. I felt anew my freshman year of high school. 

I used my knowledge of Rose and me, our drama to help people get through theirs. I didn’t want them in my position. However, I wish I did one thing. Hear Rose’s side of it all. I never did, I was too blinded by myself. It sucks. 

But high school was a bit better. Though I had to cycle through a friend group due to being actually true to myself, as I was a bit of a liar, trying to get people to like me. I literally went on an apology tour, which felt 100 times better. 

After about 3 and a half ish years. To you, Rose, if you know I’m talking about you. Thank you, for teaching me valuable lessons. I apologize for not hearing your side, for saying things I shouldn’t have. If you are reading this, I forgive you in return. It may sounds selfish, but no two sides are completely innocent. I meant for this blog to go an entire different way, but I guess we’re here now. I still have ur number blocked lol. I’ll unblock it though, as I have now a more clear vision. 

And to everyone else: oops, turned to a vent. Anyways, I actually had that happen, my memory isn’t perfect, some details may be wrong. I hope you enjoyed the rant. And maybe you can learn from my experiences.