I don't know how I feel

Friends, I'm writing this in English because I'm a mamona JAJAJA I actually speak Spanish but shh, First, I want to say what the hell is wrong with my life. I feel like I'm making the worst decisions and I feel so depressed.I feel that No matter what I do, I always make others feel bad. I miss my ex, dude, damn it, LOL. And there's this guy who keeps bothering me and I don't know how to tell him no. Anyway, the point is, I'm writing this Because I just saw a post from a girl that makes me feel really bad about my ex, haha. I thought that seeing this when he was no longer my boyfriend wouldn't affect me at all, but I feel so bad, so sad, almost the same as I did then, and I don't know what to do. Well, I can't do anything, but I'm tired of feeling sad, of feeling bad, of always crying. I don't want to live like this anymore, and even though I try, I feel like I can't get out of this. I try not to let it affect me or put on a brave face, but I can't. I just hope my ex is happier without me, since I'm a sack of sadness and my greatest wish is that she doesn't have to carry my problems or my sadness. I need him to put himself first and think about himself because I really love him so much, but I know that if he's near me, he'll only get worse, and so will I... I just hope things get better. 

If you read all my crying, thank you lol. I have no one to talk to and it makes me feel better to write all this or help someone who feels the same way and see that they are not alone in this And with time we can improve, I love yooou all, bye!