The Version Of Me Nobody Sees

Sometimes I wonder how different I am in my own head compared to how people see me. People know the version of me that talks, laughs, jokes around, replies to messages, goes out, takes pictures, and acts like everything is normal. And I guess that's me too but there’s another version of me that nobody really gets to see, the one who thinks about conversations hours after they happened, remembers tiny things people probably forgot about, wants to say something but decides it’s better to stay quiet, and can be surrounded by people while somehow still feeling alone.

 I think most of us have that version, we’re so used to saying I’m fine that sometimes we don't even know how to explain what not fine actually means. There are thoughts we never post, feelings we don't know how to put into words, and things we wish someone would notice without us having to explain them. You can know someone for years and still only know the parts they choose to show you. Sometimes the person making everyone laugh is the one who has been overthinking everything all night. Sometimes the quiet person has a whole world going on inside their head. Sometimes someone disappears for a while, not because they hate anyone, but because they simply need some time to understand themselves. 

I've realized that we’re all carrying versions of ourselves that other people might never meet, and tbh maybe that's okay, not everything needs to be explained, and not every feeling needs an audience. Some parts of us are allowed to stay private but I hope everyone finds at least one person they don't have to hide from someone they can sit with in silence, someone they can tell the messy, confusing version of the story to, someone who doesn't just ask, are you okay ? and leave after hearing yeah because sometimes  yeah doesn't mean yeah. Sometimes it just means, I don't know how to explain it and maybe that's something more people understand than we realize.