im loved by not liked by many

I never thought I would find a true love, my confidence was at an all time low and I spent all my time trying to fill a hole that I thought would only be fixed by love. I’m slowly learning to love myself but when I met my current boyfriend everything changed for me. I’ve been so fixated on the idea of love my entire life, but developing bpd when I was 13 changed a lot of the views I had. I remember being 9 years old and crying because I didn’t feel pretty enough and I thought nobody would ever look at me twice. My boyfriend loves me. So much, every time I’m with him my heart feels warm, but not many people like me. I feel as if once you develop a love for someone it’s harder to lose than it is to lose fondness of people. I suppose some people love me but don’t like me at the same time. 

I’m grateful my boyfriend loves and likes me.

But with my friendships, I feel as if they love what I do and have done for them but don’t like me as a person. I’ve spent a long time trying to figure out why I’m so unlikable, maybe I’m not kind enough, maybe I’m too kind, maybe I’m too off putting and I could go on and on. It’s a hard concept as I’ll either spend the rest of my days wondering how to change, or I will realise what the issue is and it will hit me very hard.