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hello and welcome to this series that nobody cares about, in which i share songs that have, throughout various points in my young adult life, reminded me of various men who were at some point some part of my life. they will be labeled by numbers as seen in the title. i will not be going in chronological order, but since you don't know me, that doesn't matter. this is part one.
"there is a boy i know
we are friends, we are more than
cause every time he looks at me, i get electric shocks
in my brain and in my heart, but he is not the one i love
still, every time i look into his pretty eyes
i think of all the things i didn't even try
and though i know that it is only chemistry
there is nothing in the world that i can do about it
but i love my boyfriend
[...]
the blush-inducing rush of another man's affection
i don't care, i don't even know
i suppose i just wanted the attention"
-- i love my boyfriend by princess chelsea
"i wait by the door like i'm just a kid
use my best colors for your portrait
lay the table with the fancy shit
and watch you tolerate it
if it's all in my head, tell me now
tell me i've got it wrong somehow
i know my love should be celebrated
but you tolerate it"
-- tolerate it by taylor swift
"i am the idiot with the painted face
in the corner, taking up space
but when he walks in, i am loved, i am loved
me and my husband, we're doing better
it's always been just him and me, together
so i bet all i have on that furrowed brow
and at least in this lifetime, we're sticking together"
-- me and my husband by mitski
"who do you think you are? who do you think i am?
what do you wanna say? what do you think will change?
maybe i'm afraid of you
i'll bite the hand that feeds me"
-- bite the hand by boygenius
"you say you love me, i believe you do
but i walk down and up and down and up and down this street
cause you just don't like me, not like you used to"
-- that's our lamp by mitski
"it was like slow motion, standing there in my party dress
in red lipstick with no one to impress
and they're all standing around me singing "happy birthday to you"
but there was one thing missing, and that was the moment i knew
you called me later
and said "i'm sorry i didn't make it"
and i said "i'm sorry too"
and that was the moment i knew"
-- the moment i knew by taylor swift
"ask anyone, they'll tell you
that it's these times that it tends
to start to fall apart
hold on to your heart
and do me a favour and break my nose
or do me a favour and tell me to go away
or do me a favour and stop asking questions
[...]
and to tear apart the ties that bind
perhaps "fuck off" might be too kind"
-- do me a favour by arctic monkeys
"you thought i'd never leave and i let you believe you were right"
-- voyager by boygenius
"begging til my knees bled
i gave it my all, he gave me nothing at all
then wondered why i left"
-- it's time to go by taylor swift
"in dreams i meet you in warm conversations
we both wake in strange beds in different cities
and time is taking its sweet time erasing you
and you've got your demons, and darling, they all look like me"
-- sad beautiful tragic by taylor swift
"i know i'm probably better off on my own
than loving a man who didn't know what he had when he had it
and i see the permanent damage you did to me, never again
i just wish i could forget when it was magic
i wish it wasn't 4am, standing in the mirror, saying to myself, "you know you had to do it"
i know the bravest thing i ever did was run
sometimes in the middle of the night, i can feel you again
but i just miss you and i just wish you were a better man
[...]
and it was always on your terms
i waited on every careless word
hoping they might turn sweet again
like it was in the beginning
but your jealousy, i can hear it now
talking down on me like i'd always be around
push my love away like it was some kind of loaded gun
you never thought i'd run
[...]
i hold onto this pride because, these days, it's all i have
and i gave to you my best, and we both know you can't say that"
-- better man by taylor swift
"i know it's long gone and that magic's not here no more
[...]
you never called it what it was
til we were dead and gone and buried
check the pulse and come back swearing it's the same
after three months in the grave
and then you wondered where it went to
as i reached for you, but all i felt was shame
[...]
maybe we got lost in translation, maybe i asked for too much
but maybe this thing was a masterpiece til you tore it all up
[...]
you call me up again just to break me like a promise
so casually cruel in the name of being honest
[...]
the idea you had of me, who was she?
a never-needy, ever-lovely jewel
whose shine reflects on you?
[...]
you who charmed my dad with self-effacing jokes
sipping coffee like you were on a late night show
but then he watched me watch the front door all night, willing you to come
and he said "it's supposed to be fun, turning 21""
-- all too well (ten minute version) by taylor swift
"step right out, there is no amount of crying i could do for you
all this time, we always walked a very thin line
you didn't even hear me out, i gave so many signs
all this time you never learned to read my mind
you couldn't turn things around
i gave so many signs, all this time"
-- exile by taylor swift + bon iver
"with every careless action you let me slip away
if you just bought me flowers, maybe i would've stayed
you didn't think i was serious, i guess you felt so safe"
-- flowers by marina
"i said "i think you're special"
you told me once that i'm selfish
[...]
you think you're a good person because you won't punch me
in the stomach
and i love you
i don't know why, i just do
but you're not special, you're evil
you don't get to tell me to calm down
you made me feel like an equal
but i'm better than you, and you should know that by now"
-- letter to an old poet by boygenius
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