1/24/2020

1/24/2020

Tonight I went bowling with Anna, Rose, and Jeremy.

Anna came over to my house first and we got ready together. Then, Jeremy and Rose picked us up and we drove to the bowling alley. The first thing I did was take care of tradition.

Every time I go bowling with friends, I make sure we all get temporary tattoos. Bowling is fun, but this adds a little bit of off-kilter whimsy, that helps make everything feel like a memory. It might be slightly manufactured, sure, but no one has caught on yet, and look at how cute it is. I'm not planning on stopping the tradition any time soon.

Once we were all successfully tatted, the night really began. We got our lane, and our shoes. Rose and I got drinks. We ordered tatertots. We even put in some song requests. Everyone was having a good time. Bowling was always fun.

At one point, I sat sown next to Anna. She was one of my old coworkers from when I worked with Jeremy and James, and Lexi, and all of them. Her moral compass is so strong, and she is so full of love. I know that she isn't the kind of person to promise she'll keep your secrets, just to spill them to everyone. Because of that, I felt safe telling her about last week. Since Jeremy was right there, though, and I was a little scared of her picking him over me, I had to stretch my truth a little.

"Can I tell you something? I don't want Jeremy or Rose to know, though, because it's really embarrassing and personal. A close friend of mine, who you don't know, had sex with me after I expressed that I didn't want him to. I lost my bravery and ended up letting it happen after a bit. I feel weird about it."

That was basically everything I told her. It took a while to get it all out, because I was trying to keep it from the rest of our company, but I did it in time. Her response was startling for some reason.

"That's rape. You were sexually assaulted. Who was it, because he is NOT your friend, Paige."

Everything she said was right, but I hadn't heard it out loud, and honestly, I don't think I was ready to accept it yet.

I told her it wasn't a big deal personally, and that I was glad I got it off my chest. I didn't want our conversation to stand out too much to Jeremy, so I blended it into the rest of the night by taking a selfie with Anna before getting back to bowling.

Shortly before we left, Jeremy went outside, and told me to follow. I was so nervous. I hadn't been alone with him one on one since I left his apartment that morning last week. I was also a bit concerned that he overheard mine and Anna's conversation.

We went around the side of the building to his car. He got in the drivers side, so I got in the back. He took out his vape and started talking about nothing important. I breathed a silent sigh of relief, put on a goofy smile, and begged him for his vape. After lightly mocking me, and calling me hoe, the usual process, he handed me a puff bar. We sat around vaping and vibing for a couple minutes, and then headed back to our friends.

I was relieved when we were back with other people. I ignored my relief, and my initial unease as well as I could.... I guess I still noticed it though. I don't want this to ruin my friendship with these people. Anna says he's not my friend, but.... He is. I love this boi, and I made a mistake. I don't know, I can't sort out how I feel about it.

We finished up bowling and headed home. That was fun.