ISOLATION

I feel trapped.

And I don't even know what the fuck I'm trapped in anymore--

It's my own head, I guess. My own bullshit. Same shit every day. I tell myself I'm gonna get my shit together, I actually start doing better for once, AND THEN somehow,, SOMEHOW I end up right back where I started.

It's fucking exhausting..

I keep thinking there's gotta be a way out, but every time I get close I just... fuck it up. I don't know if I do it on purpose or what. Maybe I'm just that fucking stupid.

Sometimes staying here feels easier.... and that's the fucked up part.

I know I'm not okay. I know this isn't good for me. I know sitting around doing nothing and pretending everything's fine isn't gonna magically fix anything.

But at least it's familiar..

At least I kinda know what to expect.

I'm so fucking tired of having to fight myself all the time, tired of falling, getting back up, trying again, fucking FALLING again. What's even the point if I'm just gonna end up on the floor anyway????

And yeah, I know. "Get back up??"

I fucking knooow I'm just tired of hearing it--

Maybe I don't wanna get back up right now.?¿?¡'¡?¿?¡'¿'

Maybe I just wanna stay here for a bit and shut everything out.

I don't know!!

I don't FUCKING know!!!!1!!

I just know I feel like I'm sitting inside a cage that I built myself, and I can't remember why I built the damn thing in the first place---

And the worst part?????? I'm the one standing outside it, telling myself to get out.

What a fucking idiot.