𝑈𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑖𝑛 𝒇𝒖𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆.

Hello sweeties! Today I'm here to talk about something I've felt for a long time, so it'll be a little more serious. 

Well, what I wanted to talk about, or vent about, is...Fear, you know? I'm very, very scared. Sometimes I don't know what to do with my life, sometimes I feel like nothing is real and I'm in a dream and it's so...weird. Sometimes I feel like an empty shell. I don't know what to do, I don't know what will happen, but I know one thing. 𝐈'𝐦 𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝.

For a long time, the thought of dying frightened me, but as I grew older, the idea of dying had become something like the arrival of peace. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to kill myself, but sometimes I don't want to live either. 

It's a strange feeling that perhaps even you have experienced. The 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐫 of what might happen.

Will you achieve anything?

Should you believe words of encouragement that might be lies?

What if I don't live long enough and die tomorrow without achieving anything?

The fear of 𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑔 someone, the fear of living. And God, 𝒊𝒕 𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒆. 

What if I don't achieve 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈? 

What if I 𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒕 my parents? 

What if I'm 𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒔? 

What if I 𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆 my friends? 

What if I die 𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆? 

What if I 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 find love?

𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒇...?

And then I tend to think about yesterday, sometimes thinking about those moments from the past, those warm moments where I laughed with my brother and my parents were together, is like coming home. 

But then there's that bad past, The screams, tears, pain... and I remember that I can't hold on to something that no longer exists, something that has already vanished. But I fear the present and I am terrified of the future. I just hope I can feel something other than fear, perhaps to 𝘸𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘶𝘱 from this feeling of 𝐮𝐧𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲. 

Well, that's all, thanks for reading, If you feel the same way... well, at least let's try to live with fear, after all, we've come this far with that feeling. And well, at least now you feel less alone. Perhaps now you know that you're not the only one who thought that. But hey, we've come a long way...