I want to cry and slam my head against a wall

I was so excited for school in the holidays, idk why

School starts tomorrow and I just want to cry and lay in bed all my life ಥ⁠╭⁠╮⁠ಥ

I just noticed that I feel so comfortable in being sad 24/7 and feel bad when I have a great time and I wonder why 

I sometimes wonder If adults just swallow their emotions in order to function so they can take care of themselves or If they really toughened up by enough experience 

I'm kinda scared of just leaving my emotions behind 

Maybe because that's part of the reason why this world's so cruel and I'm scared of being part of that

Idk im scared of everything (⁠╯⁠︵⁠╰⁠,⁠)