3am confessions ♡

My cat is depressed 

A chubby little fella. Been told he looked like me. He was always an anxious cat. Always reserved. Always scared and yet curious of the outside world. Just like me. 

I've been sad for years now. Been since i was 12. I'm still grieving over stupid things. Still think it's my fault. But then this cat appeared in my life... not that i regret it. But i never was prepared to take care of another soul when i can't even take care of mine. 

My mom gave him to me. A beautiful gift. 

They say cat's use to copy your behaviour, which is why they resemble you so much. They take a part of your heart and take care of it. So i took his... And i ignored it. 

I've always been ignorant. Distant. To my friends and family. I've never been mentally stable and yet I've been craving affection. The affection of people i could never have. My cat was distant, ignorant. Yet he always came for affection even if he didn't talk or showed. Could hear his eyes speak to me. Blinking slowly while looking at me, his ears following the sounds i make. He's never shown it yet i could feel his love. Unfortunately... He had an ungrateful depressed owner. 

8 months ago. December 20. 8:30 from the veterinar. 

It was the last time i saw you in a box with your name on it. 

I miss my depressed cat.