im so tired honestly so forgive me if this post is shitty 

i really, really really REALLY wnat to create. i want to MAKE something and leave my MARK and leave an IMPRESSION in people

but if you make, you have to be good at making for it to really matter

and there are a lot of things i have to get good at making b4 i can do what i want to do

i want to make a game, more than anything. if everything goes to plan i Should be getting the resources to enhance my current setup (laptop)

i can draw, coding seems easy enough and i already have a plan on what ill start with to practice before i really dive into what i want to do

but there is an issue. Music. i need music for my game, but holy SHIT ive been trying and trying but learning how to compose is just SUCH a pain in the ass.

yeah, i am brand spanking new to this and i am really determined on learning (and it could just be my medicine wearing off and the coffee running through my brain fucking with my Chemicals, but i feel like shit right now and really hopeless about this)

my brain spins, ive always had these ideas and concepts but ive never been able to put them into action until NOW. there is nothing stopping me from creating and i am really fucking scared that i am going to drop this in a few days

but my chance is NOW, i just have to get over these roadblocks which will take time

im doing all of this on my own too, there is nobody i can go to that will help me with the things i need to learn. well, maybe a few. but these arent people that would be willing to be on a team or be INVOLVED with this. 

this makes me think though.. i havent asked or anything. im just assuming they wouldnt care? or be interested, or devoted

i dont know, besides when i work with people it irritates the hell out of me. i just have to learn, but learning has always been hard for me

i also have to do a LOT of planning. I mean, i just want to focus on the story of the beta for now, and concept shit for how the playstyle will be, and how to make the story interesting

anyways, i would LOVE to talk about my game with other people, add me or comment if you want to hear about it!! i will be making it in GameMakerStudio2, doing spritework in Aseprite, and making the music in Bandlab (might switch, idk) 

TIPS WOULD BE HELPFUL!!!