Spiraling again who would have thought

It sucks to realize you arnt at close to people as you thought and you don’t have the same thought process and attachment styles 

Like it depends on what kind of friend you are to me but if I considered you really close but then we don’t talk for 2-3 days outside of streaks. My brain genuinely tells me you hate me and you want to leave me. I know it’s pathetic and annoying to need near constant interaction 

But genuinely it feels like I’m loosing someone the less we interact. 

I genuinely don’t feel close to my friends anymore and I feel like they hate me. 

And my fyp isn’t making it any better with videos describing my exact situation or how they could have a gc without me.’

Then I feel annoying when I’m the only one talking. 

Or when I ask if anyone can play and I’m ignored

And I can’t even tell if it’s all in my head or if they just don’t like me that much

My brain keeps telling me it’s the second one.

I mean I have one friend this isn’t an issue with and another who I know wants to hang out but he’s super energetic and drains me

Am I draining to others 

I must be.

I’m sorry 

All I do is complain 

Official oath to stop complaining to them and just do it here

Another thing that sucks. Getting good news and telling it to an empty server haha. Anyways imma just rant to my alt account I guess. Life sucks we can’t all be happy

Like I feel bad and like I’m being abandoned but also what if I’m just paranoid. What if I’m just pathetic because someone didn’t message me for two days like how sad is that

I can’t do anything on my own it’s genuinely pathetic

I hate every