Misogyny Runs So Deep in Our Society

⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚

Illusion of marital obligation

It’s been years trying to understand the idea of a wife not being allowed to say ‘no’ when her husband wants to fulfill his sexual needs. For years, many have been taught that this is part of being a good wife, a sign of "berbakti" (devotion) that earns "pahala" (religious reward). But what happens when you don't feel like it, or worse, when you genuinely don't want to? You're made to feel guilty, unsupportive, or disobedient. So, you might go along with it, or sadly, feel forced into it, all to be seen as the "good, obedient wife. Then the cycle repeats. Some women are pressured into it, and others are outright forced.

This isn't about questioning faith or devotion; it's about acknowledging a painful truth: marital rape exists. Any sexual act without clear consent is rape, whether you're married or not, and regardless of who your partner is. Yet, for so long, people have treated it like it's normal, like a wife's body somehow stops belonging to herself the moment she gets married. It’s disgusting how (some) men hide inside their patriarchy tent and use religion as their sleeping bag for a shield against any argument. Well, you read the Quran (Holy Book) like it’s a menu. Pick what you like and forget it’s meant to nourish the whole soul, not just satisfy your cravings.

When I first started grappling with this, it felt like a betrayal of everything I thought I understood about marriage, duty, and faith. I’d always been taught that a wife’s role was to please her husband, to be supportive and loving, and that included being available sexually. The thought of saying ‘no’ felt… wrong, almost selfish. But as I grew, and as I started to listen to my own feelings more, I began to question. Why did my feelings and my comfort matter less than his desire? Why was guilt the automatic response when I wasn’t feeling it?

The concept of "berbakti" always felt heavy, like a one-way street. It was about my duty, my service. But what about his duty to cherish, respect, and understand me? Is earning a spiritual reward worth sacrificing my own bodily autonomy and emotional well-being? It started to feel like a misinterpretation, a way to control rather than to guide. It’s scary to admit, but there were times I felt complicit in my own discomfort, just to keep the peace or uphold this image of the perfect wife. It’s a heavy burden to carry, knowing that an act meant to be intimate and loving felt more like an obligation or, in the worst moments, a violation.

Consent isn’t just about the absence of a “no.” It’s about an enthusiastic, willing “yes.” And that “yes” has to be for that moment, that act, and it needs to be freely given. My body is mine. It always has been, and it always will be. Marriage doesn’t change that fundamental truth. It’s a truth that so many women are denied, either subtly or overtly. The idea of "patriarchy" used to sound like a complex academic term, but I see it now in the everyday expectations, the subtle biases, the way certain roles are assumed without question. And religion, which should be a source of comfort and guidance, can sadly be twisted into a tool for control. It's like holding you sacred and only seeing the parts that serve you, ignoring the profound of your heart filled with empathy, kindness, and equality that lie within.

Creating a healthy marriage isn't about one person always giving in, but about two people willingly and joyfully coming together, respecting each other’s boundaries, and cherishing each other’s autonomy. I’m committed to understanding marriage not as a place where my voice or my body doesn't belong to me, but as a partnership where mutual respect and enthusiastic consent are the foundations of everything. It’s a journey towards reclaiming my voice, my personal space, and my right to say "yes" or "no" with complete freedom and without guilt.

⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚⋆˚☆˖°⋆｡° ✮˖ ࣪ ⊹⋆.˚

Note: I posted this before on my Substack and i decided to repost it here :)