a message to all who will grieve me (i think thats how its spelled)

As I'm writing this the date is August 4th 2026, Spiderman brand new day just came out and the USA is on a steady decline of basically everything good. I wonder if ill get to see an empire fall before i reset character, wouldn't that be something? I'm safe here in the freezing fucking tundra of Norway anyway, where it snows in the winter and rains in the summer, its really magnificent to bask in gods cold piss while the wind blows your balls off in the middle of July.

...

You can laugh now guys

Anyways I'm gonna reset character sometime this month, maybe next month idk. As I'm looking at my profile on friendrewind (go add me btw im xXNYKISOEXx) while listening to the low quality version of Your call by Secondhand serenade, i wonder, maybe years after I'm dead my friends will stumble across this time capsule of sorts, or maybe just some random kid, or maybe i survive and I'm reading this 5 years later at a birthday party or some stupid shit (dude go ahead and finish the job already)

I hate birthdays, i know that sounds bad but i hate being forced to hug ppl i see MABYE twice a year, i also hate being the center of attention for no real reason, i mean just because i popped out of another person 14 years ago doesn't mean you have to treat me like the second coming of christ. Id rather just buy the stuff myself and celebrate other ppls bdays. Where was i again? Oh yeah sewerslide, yippee!!

I wonder if my loved ones will ever recover, if not there isn't much i can do abt it since I'm dead, but i don't want them to forget abt me yk? I almost don't want them to move on as if it feels like I'm being abandoned by everybody, as if they think their love for me is some burden to carry and eventually cast away. When i think about it i imagine myself, crying and hurt, in a dark room as they walk away from me, continuing on with their lives without me. Its thoughts like these that make me second guess it, what if they forget about me? I don't care if they hate me but what if they just stop caring? That thought makes me scared and sad because i know it will probably happen, my friends will grow old and stop visiting my grave, and eventually they will forget about me and die surrounded by loved ones, while i died on the cold school bathroom floor alone. Eventually nobody will visit my grave, and i will be alone, as i was sometime before.

I also wonder what death is like, i have no hopes or ideas or expectations. But i hope the dying itself feels like getting lifted out of the car half asleep after a long drive, and finally being tucked in bed as you hear the chatter of other people slowly fade out, if its like that i have no problem with what comes after.

PS: PLEASE dont pepper me with "Are you okay" or "please dont do that" just pretend this isnt here until my status says DEAD, cause the only one who can save me is me (and mabye Gerard Way). You can of course say literally anything else regarding this post.