gender? barely know 'er

im a guy. like, im pretty sure i am. irl anyways

but i like the freedom of being feminine online, whether it be through vtubing or just general oc creating

now heres the kicker, i get envious of my female ocs. like, as much as i am pretty much a guy, id love to be cute feminine and wear skirts and shit and be like them irl

but gender dysphoria kicks my ass irl. really fuckin bad. 

also im not conventionally attractive so that ruins it too. so its not like i can even try to pass, because my brain wont like it at all

does anyone else feel this way? like you see a character of an opposite gender and go "ah yes. me" but its not you and never will be..

idk ive been going thru shit lately