The eternal snail has touched me, several times now.

The snail that ends your life has touched you several times and you live every time. 

It slobbered all over my left foot as I cried into nothing after a devastating phone call that i do not remember in 2017. I saw it coming from a distance in 2019 and it crawled up till my knee and left a nasty scrape. I prepared myself to see it again in 2024 and I did but I only realized that it reached my hip a year later. 

It has now met me again and this time crawled up to my neck. I live. Why? 

I have to find a way to keep it beating normally. I am so tired of this, eventually I can't blame them for the things they did and my life becomes mine. It is not and it never was but to everyone it will seem like that. Every year I get closer to forgetting and in less than a year the incident will be 10 years old. You cant perhaps hold on to that can you? 

You need a job, a good one because he isn't going to fund your life forever and begging for money is humiliating and you will never get used to it no matter how many times you do it. You have to make it yourself but if everyone was lucky would it be called luck? You have the luck of a demented old withering person trying to win against a Pachinko machine that is rigged to eat away at their savings. 

Everyone around you is ambitious to do things for themselves or are hopeful enough that somehow things will work out. You are neither. Things have famously never worked out for you, if they did you wouldn't turn out like this. Get you shit together because its not like anyone is helping you out now but at least you can reach out and ask for help but very soon it'll be over and there will be no one. So, the faster you figure shit out the better it is for us. We got to go and we got to go fast. 

I hope I see the tomorrow I want or die instantly. 

                                                       -Ratchety Rat, 08032026, Mon, 7:46PM