reflecting

i’m back here after coincidentally finding out there’s an app. the only thing i ever posted or did on here before today was 4 years ago when i posted about my then-crush, then-job, my then-smoking habits and my then-depressive state.

i think my 19 year old self was so endearing and i wish i could hug her. she had no idea that she’d end up being just fine with the guy she had a crush on, that she’d end up having her heart broken thrice in a row by three different men, that she’d find the boy who makes her so happy now; she had no idea that the job she was so worried about keeping is the same job she ended up leaving in an act of self preservation; she had no idea that she’d really end up being fine. and the funny part is that i’m sure i’ll say that about my current self in another 3 years from now!!

looking for friends on this website makes me feel old, but the fact that i feel old also makes me feel happy. i never thought i’d make it this far. i see all these edgy teens on here and it makes me happy to see that there’s still space on the internet for weird kids, and that they’re still being as foolish (/pos) as i was at that age. i see all these teens that feel lost and hurt and i feel in my soul that they will be ok no matter how hard they believe they won’t be.

i don’t know if this place is for me but right now i’m enjoying it, and i think that’s really just the point of it all.