Ramblings of the month

It has been almost or about a month since my last blog. I think to myself HEY why not get some thoughts out tonight? Might help me become mentally sane. Life has been a lot!

So, hmm, what can I begin this blog with.. perhaps work :( it is midnight, I am not sober, and I have to get up early, but I do not give a fuck

Work has gotten.. incredibly obnoxious, stressful, and depressing. A big higher-up visited last week and was upset at the state of our store and employees. Lmao basically nobody was following the dresscode and many areas of the store was.. well.. pretty confusing in how it was set up and organized. I think the higher-up dude stressed out the managers and it turned one of the managers into a demon basically. She become incredibly rude and insulting towards others. I like to think she herself is scared after the visit from the higher-up and is trying to make the store better and show others that she knows how to run a store. But idk.. I haven't gotten any of her shitty sugar-coated insults or any talking to yet, but I am afraid. Her behavior had gotten me paranoid and afraid I will be fired for simply existing.

But I do my best. She did tell me I was next in line without a second thought to have the position I currently have. But like, idk! I have severe anxiety problems and sometimes I have a hard time understanding directions given to me, but I try my fucking hardest even if the job is nothing but humiliating and mindless. I do not love my job, but the pay is ok! Idk what else could give me this pay without actually having a degree lmao. I would go back to college if my hours were consistent. It is not the same every week, it sucks, but I do my best. I really do. I am proud for trying as hard as I can. I hope this new shitty attitude in this manager can see it. I am so afraid 😭😭 today was so scary I wanted to cry

Hmm what else. WELL! I got a new drawing tablet! I got a Wacom Cintiq 16! It's so amazing. However I did not realize it has no touch screen LMAO. I thought it did, but it's ok, I am getting used to using it! I love drawing a lot.. I used a Wacom One Pen Tablet. I got it in 2016 and it's still kicking SO strong! But I felt like an upgrade was needed. Using an actual screen is incredible. I also have a laptop that would fold into a tablet. It is an hp spectre 360.. something like that. I got it in 2020 while I got that Wacom One in 2016 lol. Used all sorts of digital art mediums, but I love the Wacom Cintiq 16 so much. I am giving a friend my Wacom One cause she also loves art, yay! I am too shy to post my art here, but I have my social medias linked on my profile that showcases all my artwork

Any other news uhhh Pokemon Cards! A favorite hobby since 2009-ish! Listen I was born in 2000, a wonderful year to be born in I think. I only either have to know my age or year when thinking about my past lol! And the other correlates. Growing up in the 2000s was fun. And starting school in 2005 (not counting preschool) was fun. Nobody gave a fuck about the 2000s until like 7 years ago I think. Perhaps it was taken for granted. ANYWAYS. I go to a card show at least once a month. I only began doing this earlier this year! As someone who has collected since 2010-ish, it is surprising, but idk if card shows even existed when I was that young back then! I began going to them because of my stepdad. He randomly got into them earlier this year which makes me so happy. But I genuinely hate how big this hobby has grown.. and scalpers. I fucking hate people who camp out in front of stores for restocks and new drops. Genuine fucking losers. I remember going to stores who always had stuff in stock in middle and high school. Sometimes I feel like I will be priced out of this hobby soon due to resellers! Like what the hell! HOWEVER. We have a local card shop who sells at mrsp! They even do preorders! So people can't buy up everything and leave others unable to afford msrp lol! I have gone and picked up quite a bit of nice products for normal store price without scalper worry. But like.. isn't that sad that we have to resort to this just to enjoy the hobby for ourselves? But this shop is amazing I will support them forever if they continue to do preorders and sell msrp!

We just went to a Pokemon card show this past Sunday at the Monroe County Fairgrounds in Bloomington, Indiana. It was very fun. Lmao my stepdad is such good friends with so many vendors. He is so extroverted it makes me EXHAUSTED but I am so happy for him lmao. And I get to meet new people too. One even gave me a nice discount on something. But my favorite show by far was in Chicago. It was the Trading Card Con on May 2nd. So big, so fun, and I got to explore Chicago for the first time of my life! I live in Indiana and it was about a 3 hour drive. Not too bad I think. The drive does by fast when you're with someone else... Man, Chicago is only a 3 hour drive away and I have lived in Indiana for almost 26 years and I haven't visited it until THIS year.. kinda sad. But 2026 is the year I said I would change my life around and travel more and go outside more

And speaking of outside.. I have been doing exactly that! Last Saturday and Sunday I visited a very cool park in my old hometown about a 25 min drive away.. my favorite place to relax and unwind. Everytime I go, I try to take many pics of plants and bugs as I can and learn about them on the iNaturalist app. Anyone else use it? Wildlife and nature is my favorite thing. I am non-religious, but I believe in something special in nature. I even went to a college for a term and a half studying wildlife conservation. But unfortunately, I had to move away before it was completed :/ (It was in Oregon. It was the best place to live EVER. Most amazing wildlife and diversity ever. It is a VERY very long story as to why my family and I moved there, but it was only for two years) now we are back in Indiana. But hey! The eastern US has amazing wildlife too. Basically everywhere does. I have a few books about wildlife of both the PNW and eastern US. You have to go out and look for it.. and be patient.. or even read about it and the history of it! And.. please respect nature.. for the good of humanity, and understand the big difference between domestic and wild :( One day I will escape this shitty retail job and have a job outside in nature, or have a job ABOUT nature. I want to work in a natural history museum.. or state park.. I have so much mental work to work on, but I will get there one day. I have to!

Thank you for reading if you did read all of this lol. I am quite a yapper.. but it has been a long time since I have blogged. My life is not very interesting, but it's ok. I do my best to live and appreciate life (also I drank a bit and it makes me talk a LOT lmao sorry!)