little girl complains

bro i sit down to paint and after 20 minutes my whole body hurts cuz of how tired i am. from 20 minutes of finally doing something thats not laying in bed for once ????

this is really annoying because i wanna do stuff !!!! like i wanna paint and draw and sing and practice guitar and write stories and songs and all that but i have zero energy ! because i'm living off of barely any food !!! it sucks !!! also i have zero motivation because of depression, i havent drawn anything in so long and my whole life ive wanted to become and artist or animator or do that kinda thing for a living but i dont enjoy it anymore.

that's not all because of the depression though, i think i did genuinely lose most of my passion for drawing. i wanna be in a band now, i wanna make music. it feels so new and weird though !!! ive been drawing literally since i could hold a pencil, and now ive almost completely stopped it to pursue a whole new thing. i feel so new in this community, and for some reason really scared to share anything i make. its such a foreign feeling to me and its making me anxious.  music really is my passion though, and i really do wanna do it, but its just like a block because all ive ever known is visual art !!! you know, i always used to see people say theyre afraid to post their drawings online and it seemed weird to me because ive never had that problem ? sharing my art has never been scary. but now i fucking get it dude omg. i understand it exactly. i have been noticing i'm warming up to sharing my music though so thats good. i just wish i'd WARM UP FASTER D:< but its all good. 

like i'm not afraid to share my stuff here even. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqL3fNhtO6NoijONV9nKq1A here, boom, thats my youtube channel where i post vocal covers of songs. see ? i did it. i shared it with you. thats a step. a fucking terrifying one. but a step.